YOU : I am not asking to take my side, I am asking you to stand for OUR MARRIAGE rather than THEIR AFFAIR
FRIEND : He's got enough pressure on him
YOU : You mean you do. I understand this is hard for you but can you imagine how hard this is for ME? Help our marriage please. I am there for you when yours hits a rough spot.
FRIEND : It's too harsh to say that
YOU : What she's DOING is harsh. She's threatening my children's future. I am asking you to protect me and our family from an affair.
FRIEND : The affair will fizzle out
YOU : Three years from now! My children and I are not going to sit through that kid of abuse. You want us to feel this worthless and violated for three years because its uncomfortable for you to give my husband some half decent advice? We will be GONE by then. I am asking you to help avoid that unfortunate ending.
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Exposure does work, you need to press and educate these people a bit is all.
You have to understand this is a very uncomfortable thing you are asking them to do - be a grownup.
I often view being a grown up as diong things that are the right thing to do but also mean a lot of discomfort in doing so.
Children avoid those things. Why apologize? It's just uncomfortable. Why repair the marriage? It's just uncomfortable. WHy confront him? It's just uncomfortable. Why challenge my brother about his affair? It's just uncomfortable.
They are just giving you excuses, you need to make them understand that thsi will not fizzle out, its abusive, and that you aren't going to sit around and watch you and your kids get miserable over this... you WILL walk OUT even if it means the kids have to grow up in a broken home.
If they tell you to leave now you tell them you want to give H a chance to wake up, but he needs guidance from his friends... And them saying NOTHING does NOT help him at all.. He NEEDS good advice adn he's not getting it.
