My mind has been much quieter. If it's that things are final now, or just that I got a break, I feel different. Funny, I'm hearing little things like the fan going, because suddenly I'm less distracted I guess.
Anyway. The boys are going to Cub Scout Day Camp, Thurs-Sat. I dropped them off, and XW picked them up. I started getting phone calls, with her getting angrier and angrier that the volunteers driving them were late. Yep, she had the need to call me (and I was kind of like, oh yeah, I remember how easily angered you are by people). Anyway, she asked if she could have them for longer, then called and invited me over for pizza. Yeah, I went, and it was casual and fun, and I'll say this, she has no problem slapping me on the ass when it suits her. Anyway, we talked about day camp, what the kids would need for each day, how Thursday went for them (sounds like there were some rough moments).
I kind of though about this Friday morning - again, I'm your husband or I'm not, lady - but didn't feel a real urgency to call her or anything (which is good - again, that keyed up feeling in my head is gone).
OK for this next part a little background - XW has always had this wall up about dealing with money somehow - for example, when she was doing taxes for her business the first year we had a CPA, the CPA learned that she couldn't really talk to XW about anything, because she would become so anxious and irritable. So - she complains that she doesn't understand this stuff, it makes her anxious, but she does nothing about learning more about it. So, OK, backstory done.
I've told XW that she needs to call the financial guy to see what needs to be done to transfer investments into her sole possession, and to set up a brokerage account to transfer stock into, as per our settlement agreement. Also, the some money is being taken out of my 401k.
So, she called Friday afternoon and starting asking again about the investments, and what she should be doing. I asked at one point - you don't understand any of this, do you? And she said no. And she detected I was becoming a little angry.
So I sent her this text:
----- I don't mean for this to sounds angry, and I probably should not say anything at all. I find it difficult to swallow that after working all this time to provide us security - which you did not seem to appreciate according to your feeling about (my employer) - and then you being so hellbent on getting your share - you don't even understand what it is. This was our financial security and the boys' college education. I worked hard for this for all of us, and you destroyed it without even understanding it.
I'm sorry but this is a sore spot for me. I am no longer invested in your financial security. You need to learn to figure this out for yourself.
Again, I'm sorry if that sounds angry - maybe it is - but this throws me around the bend. We should avoid talking about it. -----
Well, she stopped calling.
Don't know why I'm posting, not really looking for advice. It was heavy-handed, yes, but I like having established a boundary. It doesn't matter if she "gets" my point of view, so probably went overboard. That's the problem with doing things in the moment. Didn't give it long enough to sit.
