I think exposure backfired?

[AntoniaB]

Ok I have a question. H left a month ago and paid half the bills up to the end of June, but does not intend to pay anything more to me. I talked to a lawyer about this and was told that likely the courts would not do anything about it because the salaries are so similar. Frankly he has been a big spender since we voluntarily separated 2 accounts so I'm not upset about that move. I have made it clear that I am not interested in filing for divorce and that I don't support his ongoing affair or him filing. I have also stopped all contact with him. Now the one thing I have done legally is to file a separation/property settlement agreement which he supports verbally and which will be delivered to him next week. The lawyer told me that this doesn't even mention divorce, but that should he file at some point, it will incorporated into the divorce petition. She said all this did was to protect my assets and to allow me to move on financially myself, and since I want to hold on to the house myself, that most people in his position say ok to that in the early stages, but if left alone after a few months, they start to miss the house and then fight the LBS for it. I didn't want that to happen. So I filed this agreement so that I can refinance it and have my own name on the mortgage and handle paying for it better because half our household income is suddenly gone.

Now I know it's too late to change what I did, but I wonder does a move like this send the message that I am moving on and getting my own life, and that I'm not going to be a doormat, or does it send the message that I want a divorce? Cause I don't. I've said that repeatedly. Will he interpret this as my caring for myself and being independent and strong? Or will he interpret it another way?

Then, when the agreement is filed, I do have a time window to refinance the house and part of that entails a home equity loan which has to be used to pay him half of the equity. I think the lawyer said 3 months is the window. What's the best procedure there? Refinance right away and give him his buyout in a month or so? Or take it to the end of the window?