Sorry for lack of updates busy with work (crazy out there) and GAL.
Today W told me she wants it to work between us and said she wants to give our marriage another chance.
W agreed to attend MC/relationship building classes ect...
I will try to post our conversation later and what took place over the past few days but until then any advice going from here forward? what to do and what not to do.
Thank you for all your help so far.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
W asked if we could attend a local festival. I agreed that I would go along with her. Over the past few days W had been planning things in the near/distant future and the plans included me.
While driving to our destination today W said to me "I don't want to get into a conversation about it but I want you to know I am considering giving us another chance" I did not know how to respond so I said "OK, we will talk about it when you are ready."
Little later W said it would take a lot to make it work that we cant just agree to stay together and "poof" our R is great. I told W I knew it would take time, effort and commitment to regain each others trust.
W expressed how she wants a more fulfilling R/M and nothing like it was. I agreed that I too did not want a relationship like we had....confused by the easy flowing conversation about R we were having I asked "Where do you stand on our marriage?" and W replied "I want our marriage to work and give us another chance."
I said to W that if we decided to take the long road back to restoring our marriage and making it the best possible that I recommend that we attend MC or M building classes (co-worker took this) and W agreed.
W held my hand as we walked around the event and for that time we felt like a married couple again.
I want to make sure we do this the right way. I want to make sure I stay on course.
I always thought when this day came that W told me she wanted to work on our marriage I would be overwhelmed with joy but I am not because I know this is only the begging.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I always thought when this day came that W told me she wanted to work on our marriage I would be overwhelmed with joy but I am not because I know this is only the begging.
OIN... THAT statement is evidence that you aren't as ready as you SHOULD have been. You had all these months to learn about how to be a happy man and you were too focused on other things. NOW you need the discipline of being a happy man and you have nothing to fall back on as practice. It is showing evidence that maybe you are the type who is never happy. You weren't happy and drove her away for ten years, then when she wanted out you weren't happy that she wanted out and you kept worrying and acted unhappy while she was distant. NOW you get what you want and you still refuse to be happy. NOTICE A PATTERN HERE?
Your pattern is that you find a way NOT to be happy. That will be the death of your marriage. Women rarely leave a happy man OIN. Rarely. You better quickly bask in the moment and learn to be a happy man. If you don't then your pattern is to find something to be UNHAPPY about. It becomes an addiction to be unhappy. Don't fall for that trap.
Before we can give you wise counsel and advice, it would be a good idea if you fill in the blanks on what actually happened between when you left us a couple of days ago and what happened today. Fill in those blanks. Why did you leave that information out?
Hooray!! You and your wife could get a lot out of the Retrouvaille program because they teach you how to talk to each other and how to treat each other with respect. It is a weekend program to begin with, and then there are weekly follow-up sessions to help you slowly rebuild the marriage. Check the website, www.helpourmarriage.org for locations and dates. The cost is quite low because it is sponsored by the Catholic Church, but the program is not religious teachings. They teach communication skills.
My husband and I went 3 years ago, and our marriage has been great ever since. We volunteer for Retrouvaille now. In fact, I will spent most of tomorrow making up packets of information for the couples at our summer weekend, next weekend. We can only help 30 couples 4 times a year. But we do help.
I always thought when this day came that W told me she wanted to work on our marriage I would be overwhelmed with joy but I am not because I know this is only the begging.
OIN... THAT statement is evidence that you aren't as ready as you SHOULD have been. You had all these months to learn about how to be a happy man and you were too focused on other things. NOW you need the discipline of being a happy man and you have nothing to fall back on as practice. It is showing evidence that maybe you are the type who is never happy. You weren't happy and drove her away for ten years, then when she wanted out you weren't happy that she wanted out and you kept worrying and acted unhappy while she was distant. NOW you get what you want and you still refuse to be happy. NOTICE A PATTERN HERE?
Your pattern is that you find a way NOT to be happy. That will be the death of your marriage. Women rarely leave a happy man OIN. Rarely. You better quickly bask in the moment and learn to be a happy man. If you don't then your pattern is to find something to be UNHAPPY about. It becomes an addiction to be unhappy. Don't fall for that trap.
Before we can give you wise counsel and advice, it would be a good idea if you fill in the blanks on what actually happened between when you left us a couple of days ago and what happened today. Fill in those blanks. Why did you leave that information out?
OK, I am happy, honestly I am. BUT I do not expect it to be an easy road from here and because of that I am remain humble.
I left the past few days out because it is a long log and I am heading out the door for work.
But gucci you are right, I was always said to be a miserable person by many people. I don;t feel the way I use too, I feel more confident and have a better(healthier) outlook on life.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Ok. Sounds good. I truly believe you can reconcile for good with your wife and have a great marriage. It sounds like she wants to give it a chance. I will tell you one thing that I know. It shouldn't feel like work for a man to love his wife the way she needs to be loved. You will have much better chance at success if you do it out of the joy of being a mature, confident, emotionally strong, steady, thoughtful man. She will follow right along if you can learn how to lead in the right way.
Please fill us in on the last few days. That gap is too important for us to give you wise counsel without knowing more of what actually transpired. It is sounding like something happened to open up and tell you what she told you today.
Again congratulations. Enjoy it and live in the moment. Be happy in the moment. Stay happy.
And by the way.. Stay humble. That is GOOD that you recognize that.
But gucci you are right, I was always said to be a miserable person by many people. I don;t feel the way I use too, I feel more confident and have a better(healthier) outlook on life.
Remember, It isn't so much how YOU feel, but how SHE perceives you. It would be wise to get a close male friend or two and use them as a sounding board on giving you feedback whether they are viewing you as staying happy or not and telling them you WANT them to point out when you go back to your old ways of seeming unhappy. Some people may SEEM unhappy to others and yet be at total peace inside. Make sure you learn how to put on a happy face as well as a happy attitude... Find male friends that will be direct and honest with you and not tell you what you want to hear. That will help you keep on track with your wife and how she is perceiving you.
I'm so happy for you dude!!! There've been SO many days on your thread that I just wanted to give up on you, but then something would say to me "HE'S not giving up; how can YOU??" You've made so many mistakes (lol), but you just kept PLUGGING ALONG, which, you know, is pretty much the key to life (wasn't it Yogi Berra who said "90% of success is just showin' up"???)
Your persistence and steadfast love for your love is admirable.
Please continue to post -- in detail -- so that we can help you. You really only get ONE crack at this reconciliation thing, and you've worked so hard to get here.
W went to work, W came home. W maintained civility as she agreed. A few times when she was getting food or a drink she would offer/ask if I wanted any.
It was a beautiful day and thought I would get out the house. I went for a ride on my own. I returned home after an hour or so and then decided I would go get ice cream on this hot day, I told W where I was heading and offered her to go out of courtesy. W joined me. On our way back home I got a txt form a friend asking if I wanted to join them at a cook out, I accepted the invite.
When we got home I told W I was heading out. W was upset and said "if you had something to do you should had just done it rather than asking me to join you" I then said to W "I just received the invitation" and so I went to hang out.
I returned home later in the day, W was in bed getting ready to call it a night.
Thursday:
W called off work. I had nothing planned for the day yet. W and I were having conversation and eventually we just decided to take a ride and took the dog with us. When we returned home W decided she wanted to plant a couple rose bushes that had been sitting around for a few weeks now. W asked if I could assist her and I did.
Friday:
W had went to work and when she returned she asked if I wanted to go tot he movies. I had no plans and had work later that night so I agreed to go. We went and enjoyed ourselves.
Ever since I had the WAS talk with her and left the home (as per her request), this prompted W to write the letter, and form there we both had agreed to be civil and she has kept her word so far and today she said as posted above.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Congratulations...