And he still refuses to move out. I am convinced that he needs to be on his own, doing the single dad thing, shopping for his own groceries, etc. before he will realize what he is giving up. So I am going to move out. If this whole divorce does go through I will need to find a new place anyway, so I plan on renting something for a year with the idea I could always break the lease if needed.
Is this a good idea? Or should I continue to live in the same house as him, spending our evenings and nights separately but acting like all is normal around the kids, basically letting him eat cake? My lawyer says as long as we have the custody issues worked out (our friend of the court appointment is Tuesday) it is fine either way.
waterbur
I have not followed your sitch, but....
I would strongly suggest that you DO NOT MOVE OUT. Set boundaries while he is living there.
Mantra: "I have decided I am no longer going to enable(tolerate) irresponsible behavior" Think about where responsibilities need to be equalized, then make sure you just do your 50%....
Do you have a parenting agreement in place? MsR2C asked me to move out. I did not move out until I had a WRITTEN 50/50 parenting plan in place.
I am enjoying being "Mr Mom". I get my kids at 5, will take them shopping for this weeks food, then 100% my responsibility for this week. Be careful how you think he will respond to things....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Okay, this evening was weird. He wanted to talk to me about a situation that is coming up in two weeks at work. He has a charity golf outing to go to and he is part of a foursome with the OW. Now he and the OW have been inseparable at work for the past 7 years. He said he would see if he could be put into another foursome so he doesn't golf with the OW that day, but that it was definitely going to be awkward and cause a LOT of raised eyebrows because they ALWAYS do EVERYTHING together. And this event is filled with all the bigwigs from his work. So he wanted to know what I wanted him to do.
I told him I did not want him golfing in the same foursome as the OW. That people are going to start noticing on their own that they aren't going to lunch anymore and aren't as friendly as they use to be. And then he asked me what I thought he should to say to people if they asked, because he already had a woman ask him this week if him and the OW were "in a fight" because they weren't hanging out. I didn't know what to tell him to do, but I thought it was encouraging that he was being open with me and asking my opinion? Or am I being hoodwinked?
I do play golf, but the outing is for people who work at his workplace only. So that's not an option.
Argh. This is hard. I definitely do not want him to lose his job but I know you are RIGHT. It needs to be painful for him. I'm just worried that he will cave and try to "just be friends" with the OW just so they can avoid the whispers at work - which we all know would not stop at friends because it didn't before.
I am a "fixer" and I just think to myself that if I could come up with a good answer for him it would help keep him away from her. I know I need to detach and let him flounder on his own...
I agree with Puppy, it's a good idea for you to move out since H is acting this way. Best to remove yourself from the situation and let him feel what it'll be like to be D.
As to what he should tell people about not hanging out with OW anymore...agree with Greek. He chose the actions so he chose the consequences. It's up to him to figure this stuff out on his own. If he resumes any type of R with OW and crosses your boundary then what are the consequences?
You can't control H's behavior, you can control your own.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
