first, i have no reason to believe that he wants to work things out. he has refused counselling, refused to give me the real reason for d, and refused any discussion on how we could solve things on our own. all of this was decided on back in january by him alone. i had no say in the matter. i didn't argue. i validated. ok, if this is what you want, then let's get going. how do you want to divide the furniture? do you want three chairs and i'll take three chairs? he let out a gasp. "you've been planning this, haven't you?! here i am, on this emotional rollercoaster and you're already thinking about dividing furniture? oh i can see the gears turning in your head. you just want to win."
i let out a 'huh?' look man, you clearly stated that you felt that divorce was the only solution. i would be wasting my breath trying to convince you that there were other options. i'm just trying to make this easier and faster for you. but can you blame me for trying to protect myself? i knew it was coming. so of course i read up on it and got some advice.
i wanted to end it as amicably as possible. but as soon as money started factoring in, he turned it into an all out war. i've never wanted to get into a fight over money and things. but that's what it became. we were like children fighting over toys. it was so emotionally draining. the d-bomb wasn't as emotionally draining. it was the fighting over possessions that made me want to end my life.
never having been one to fight over material things. i hated doing it - i hated having to turn myself into a person who fought for things. but i couldn't be a doormat. he made his own rules and he decided what i should and should not get. if i didn't take a stand, he would have left me with a pillow and that's it.
i ended up having to spend a lot of my own money to buy my own things. i didn't have a tv, didn't have a bed, i didn't have a coffee mug (he took all 30 of them), i didn't have cutlery (he took the entire set), i didn't have a juice glass (he took all 20 of them), i didn't have dishes. he wanted to break up my set of pots and pans by claiming half of the pieces. but he hoarded everything that was his. and then he had to balls to call me greedy.
there was enough in our house to furnish two homes. but my h would rather take it all and put it in storage than to let me have some.
i'm lucky i had saved my money and was able to cover my own expenses but i took a financial hit. because of this, i am not able to get spousal support from him. i did not even ask for spousal support. he thought i was going to garnish his wages and he thought i was going to be vindictive and petty and come after everything. he was bracing for a huge financial loss.
that's so not me. he should know by now that i'm not about material things.
i guess i feel like it's one hit after another after another that i just want to put an end to it.
there is no reason to believe he is going to turn around. i still sense that he's extremely angry with me for being entitled to 50% of the proceeds from the sale of our home. he's asked for all of my jewellery, including my wedding ring and engagement ring.
i actually did not know that filing for divorce required that the LBS be served with papers. i had to ask my lawyer how would i know if he filed?
so if i haven't received papers yet, then does this mean he hasn't filed? why wait? 7 months ago, he was the only solution. i expected him to have filed back in february. but we are physically separated now. we have little to no contact. i don't want to sit here and wonder if today is the day i get served.
why delay the inevitable? just put the final nail in the coffin. this is what he wanted.
if i were to wait ...
one reason would be for financial reasons. he wanted the divorce, he can do the paperwork, he can file and he can pay for it all. i will not split the cost with him. i didn't ask for this d. and if we still d in the end, i can say that i didn't push it along. i have no kids so i don't have to explain to my children that i did my best to save our family.
another reason for me to wait is to let the one year run its course and give him that entire time to think about things. i've given him time, space, and whatever throughout the separation. can i survive another 5 months? do i want to? let's be honest, do you really think he's going to wake up from this fog? i have my doubts. so why delay the inevitable?
