Well thanks to some great advice over on the newcomers forum under "husband's behavior is confusing", I successfully exposed and confronted my husband about his EA/PA with his long-time (7 years) best friend at work. He agreed to end the affair and they see each other only very minimally at work. He has given me his phone, computer, etc. and I feel somewhat comfortable that they are not communicating (I know it takes time to feel comfortable).
Also adding to that is the fact that the OW's husband and I are in close contact and I know that she is definitely angry with my H right now because he continued to have intimate relations with me after starting up the PA with her, basically cheating on her with me which she did not know. They are in the process of divorcing, but the H of the OW says that she is making noises like she might want to reconcile.
Unfortunately, my H had already started divorce proceedings before I busted the affair and as of now he still SAYS he wants to divorce. He has been very open about the affair, answering any questions I ask of him, however, I haven't asked many as I'm still trying to process my own emotions.
We did have a nice conversation last night where we talked about our week, the first week since the affair was exposed. He said it was a really difficult week, and I told him it was normal to miss the OW a lot right now (because that's what I read in Not Just Friends, etc) and he said yeah, he misses his best friend and cried a bit. He asked what the hardest part of the week was for me and I told him the realization that I have to work through this affair on my own and will come out on the other side by myself (because he is still planning on divorce).
We currently act normal in front of the kids (6 & 3), then go our separate ways after they are in bed in different parts of the house and sleep separately. My question is - what now? According to the books I'm reading, talking calmly and openly about the affair and our feelings from the affair will build intimacy between us. That if I can validate his feelings and not attack him that we might be able to work through this together. How does this fit with DBing?
I think for the first time in months he is starting to see the future as NOT having the OW in it and it is freaking him out. Will this be enough to bring him back? What can I be doing to help the process along, if anything?
