SG... Keeping what OM is doing SILENT just HELPS him.. affairs don't die on their own...
If you know him well enough you could invite him to MIL's place and you and MIL confront him and ask him to leave the marriage alone and stop contaminating it.
your wife will be FURIUOS, but she' won't divorce you... SHe will be releived of a lot of stress.
You need to find your balls man.. and find them fast... This guy is NOT going to go away anytime soon and your WIFE is heading down a very dangerous road.
Do NOT expect your marriage to get ANY BETTER until OM is OUT of the picture... PERIOD
You will likley want to do what most new arrivals here do... YOu will wnat to keep the affair secret, NOT do anything about it, and you will try to pretend it isn't there hoping that you will improve the marriage and your wife will just decide to do teh mature thing and end it...
This is a DREAM SG.. That happens so rarely if EVER that you may as well buy a lottery ticket.
You will at the VERY LEAST have to do the following ;
1. Update her mother and anyone who may support your marriage with you and confront the OM with you to get LOST... 2. AFTER exposing then you confront your wife.. She will liekly challenge you when finding out about the exposure... You hit her with a strong dose of reality then :
I KNOW you are having an affair. The OM is a HUGE obstacle to us resolving anything I am NOT ending our marriage. I am going to family therapy whether YOU GO or NOT I am NOT going to LIE to cover up your AFFAIR any longer
And you walk away.
You don't tell her what your plans are.. YOu just state your position.
And you KEEP exposing. YOu keep in contact with these people and others... Your wife will very likely run damage control and tell everyone she is "jsut friends" with OM ... OR she will admit she's "seeing him" and that the marriage "is over"... both are classics
This is NOT something you can ignore SG, it is like cancer... Ever heard of someone getting better by ignoring cancer?
Your marriage has a cancer.. its called addiction.. Your wife is addicted to a secret fantasy relationship that will NOT help her in the long run and will eat her alive.
You can watch your marriage fall apart slowly from this addiction as your wife burns up all her energy and self respect prowling around in secret while this creep preys on your marriage... OR you can stand up, challenge the affair and deal with it head on.
