S is still sick. I went into the house tonight and all is dark. S sleeping on couch and W on love seat. I touch the back of her head and she wakes up. Why don't you go to bed I ask? She says she told him she would stay with him for a few hours. I touch the back of her head a few more times and it makes me very sad. I'm crying as I write this. I can't believe this will be gone soon.
Apparently she has been talking with the kids about living arrangements. She told them it will probably be 50/50, which I never thought she would accept. She also told them that I can have the master bed and she will take the spare. She always loved the water bed, it's always warm. Check in later.
Hi dan, I just read your last few posts. I am sorry. First, the counsoler is wrong. Puppy is right. I would like to storngly suggest that you have another family metting. You and your wife need to use "I statments". "I don't believe d is the answer to our problems" "I want my family to be happy" "I disagree with your mother" "I love you very much" "I want mommy to be happy"....do the right thing and do not let fear control you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Do not be a pussy like I was. Stand up against your w for what you believe. You will gain her respect, look more attractive to her, and make her angry. Do not fear her anger.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
D asked if this was W's idea. I told her I didn't want to talk about that, but she kept pressing. I said you already know. She wants me to confirm her suspicions, but she knows. She was also asking about how the furniture will be split-up. Will the new living room tables go with the new furniture? All this stuff is in sets and the new stuff goes together and the old stuff in the basement goes together. I can't believe she is even thinking about these things. I told her we will have to figure it out.
She asked who is keeping the house and I said I didn't know if either of us could afford it on our own. She said she doesn't want to move and would be willing to sell her stuff and give me her money if it would help. I told her that was a very nice offer, but it wouldn't make any difference. Then she volunteered S's $300. I told her we would find a good place to live no matter what. Maybe even a place, smaller, but that would let us fish and swim right from our own dock. She said that would be the only way she would want to move.
She said W told them they could keep the Xbox at my house and the Nintendo Wi at her house, since that is something she might actually play with them.
D said W told her she thought this would be over in 2 months! That must mean she thinks we will be able to agree on everything in mediation and not have to go to trial. I thought this was going to take 6-9 months. Have to get moving on getting a home value to see if I am going to be able to afford to stay or not.
Feeling that she is pretty set on this happening. I don't feel like anything I am doing is bringing her closer. She is going to a Milwaukee Brewers game with her friends from work today. She is out for a walk now. She has plenty to do. She is DBing me!
I really starting to believe that she isn't going to change her mind and that this IS going to happen and that I will not be ready to move on, but she will. My only hope is that once it is done and we are separated, she will reconsider. Either that or I will just have to find the strength in myself to move on without her.
I'm not feeling very good about things this morning. I saw her, but we didn't talk. Kids want me to take them fishing, so I am going to, but I really feel sick to my stomach at this point.
Got to get ready to go fishing. Talk to you later.
D asked if this was W's idea. I told her I didn't want to talk about that, but she kept pressing. I said you already know. She wants me to confirm her suspicions, but she knows. She was also asking about how the furniture will be split-up. Will the new living room tables go with the new furniture? All this stuff is in sets and the new stuff goes together and the old stuff in the basement goes together. I can't believe she is even thinking about these things. I told her we will have to figure it out.
She asked who is keeping the house and I said I didn't know if either of us could afford it on our own. She said she doesn't want to move and would be willing to sell her stuff and give me her money if it would help. I told her that was a very nice offer, but it wouldn't make any difference. Then she volunteered S's $300. I told her we would find a good place to live no matter what. Maybe even a place, smaller, but that would let us fish and swim right from our own dock. She said that would be the only way she would want to move.
She said W told them they could keep the Xbox at my house and the Nintendo Wi at her house, since that is something she might actually play with them.
D said W told her she thought this would be over in 2 months! That must mean she thinks we will be able to agree on everything in mediation and not have to go to trial. I thought this was going to take 6-9 months. Have to get moving on getting a home value to see if I am going to be able to afford to stay or not.
Feeling that she is pretty set on this happening. I don't feel like anything I am doing is bringing her closer. She is going to a Milwaukee Brewers game with her friends from work today. She is out for a walk now. She has plenty to do. She is DBing me!
I really starting to believe that she isn't going to change her mind and that this IS going to happen and that I will not be ready to move on, but she will. My only hope is that once it is done and we are separated, she will reconsider. Either that or I will just have to find the strength in myself to move on without her.
I'm not feeling very good about things this morning. I saw her, but we didn't talk. Kids want me to take them fishing, so I am going to, but I really feel sick to my stomach at this point.
Got to get ready to go fishing. Talk to you later.
I don't like how your "tell the kids" meeting went down. I highlighted in RED the matters that should have been addressed but were not, for your children still have basic questions. Plus, reading back through your other posts, your contribution to that meeting seemed to be "Whatever" and that's all.
When Coach and I told our children, he put me right out there on the spot by myself. I had to tell the children that I was leaving, where I was going, where they would be, that I was divorcing their father and that he did not want it this way. I had to say the truth to my children and Coach was there to call me on anything that was not aligned with the truth of the matter. He made it known to me before hand that there would be none of this "Mom and Dad think this is the best thing right now for the family" or blech anything else like that. It had to be the truth and it had to be from me. When I said it all, he asked our children, "Do you have any questions for me?" and he fielded those questions - truthfully (age appropriately). He was the opposite of "whatever" in his disposition. He looked, sounded strong and in control of himself. In comparison, I looked like the weenie.
I think you need a re-do on that talk - for your children's sake more than anything. It is impossible to eliminate insecurities for kids at a time like this, but minimizing them is attainable.
Clarity. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Dan, you sound like you don't care if you get D. I have to clarify the truth with my kids regularly. MsR2C likes to spin things. Age appropriate truth to your kids isbest for them. Example: s9 asked me "what is a pedifile"...I thought for a few seconds and then said "someone who touches someone iinapropriately". He said "oh". I waited a bit and asked where he heard that. He replied "family guy". I put a stop to his access to FG...do you want your kids to speak the truth? You are their role model......
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
When W asked if I was ok with telling the kids, I said, "Ok, whatever you yant." which is pretty much how our relationship has always been. I have always let her do what she wanted to do, even though she says she never got to. I am struggling very much with this telling the kids thing. I have read a lot of articles and talked to many people, including a children's psycotherapist, who say it is best not to blame one another for the D. I know you guys disagree and I also think it lets W off the hook a bit, but I really do want what is best for my kids. I can find another spouse, but these will always be my kids. I've been trying to live by R2C's motto. Maybe I will try to have another session where we get more to the truth, but they really already know. I hear you guys, I am just torn.
Also, we don't have answers to many of these questions like where we are going to live, or how long this will take. I was told today that it has to be a minimum of 4 months from our first hearing, which is on Tuesday.
R2C, I do care. I do not want to get a D, but lately I have been feeling like it is inevitable. I know I have to stop those thoughts. This is still not over. "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! This isn't over until WE say it's over." Words to live by in this case.
Turned out to be a different day than we expected. We decided to wait and go fishing later in the day, when we might have better luck, so I took S11, golfing for 9 holes in the late morning. While golfing, my brother calls and says he has 4 free tickets to the Brewers game, which is where W is also going. I tell him, we are in!
After golf, I take S to local carnival and meet up there with D9, who is with the neighbors. They go on a bunch of rides and I talk with the neighbor lady. She has had some conversations with W, and in May, she says she had a conversation with W where W said she would be willing to live the way we were for a couple of years even. Then less than a month later, she files for D? I wonder what changed her mind so quickly? Maybe OM, who now won't leave his W? This is crazy to hear.
We leave the carnival and go to my brother's to pick him up for the game. We get there early and watch batting practice and I grab a ball that is hit into the stands. The kids are very excited about that. W texts me and asks if the kids are having a good time. Of course they were. I waited an hour before texting her back. I said "No, are you? Where are your seats?" She tells me which section and it is only 2 sections from where we are sitting. She asks where our are. I wait a while to text back and actually see her walk into the stands and to her seat. She is going with a bunch of people from work.
I texted her "I'm watching you." and she says, "Where are you?" I say "2 sections over." She asks "Which way?" I played with her for a little while longer and then she spotted us and came over to where we were and sat down for about an inning. She tells me S called her a liar earlier for telling him that we both wanted the D. He had asked about it earlier in the day, similar to D. When she came over to sit by us, he was angry with her and told her to leave because he wanted to spend time with his Dad and Uncle. W then went back to sit with her work friends. Too many are divorced or single. I think they are bad influence on W.
Stayed until the end of the game and the Brewers beat the Pirates. We had a great time. Took my brother home and came back to our house. Kids say they are surprised that we beat Mom home since my brother lives 20 minutes in the opposite direction. I ask them why they are surprised and tell them that Mom is probably "going out". One of the few things she actually likes to do. I put kids to bed and logged in here. We have been home about 40 minutes now and W is still out. I don't expect her to be home until VERY late.
Time will tell.
I am taking the kids to the Renisance Faire in Bristol tomorrow with another couple and their son. Free kids weekend and a discounted ticket for me. Only $12 for all 3 of us to get in. It should be another good day for us!
