Your wife cannot effectively make a decision about her marriage while she's distracted by an EA and certainly not while she's distracted by a PA...
This "I need space" thing is a smoke screen and it isn't constructive.
Its good that you are going to counsellors, but you need to make sure they are trained in FAMILY THERAPY and aern't just pscychologists... hopefully a FT who is experienced in dealing with an affair.
Is there a way to tap into her PC and trap her communications so you can collect some more reliable INTEL?
Is there some other contact you have who can let you know about the movements of the "mutual friend?"
if they both go out at the same time you can bet they are likley hooking up
You need a GOOD family therapist and GOOD INTEL dude.. those are your goals at this point..
STOP trying to argue or negotiate with her... Find out what's going on and DEAL with it... none of these smokescreens.. they don't help and you shoudln't be catering to her excuses either.. just walk away when she gets like that
