The protection.pdf is Penny Tupy's Overcoming Infidelity : Intervention and Protection Phases document I posted on a few threads earlier.
You have to understand CD that there are many family therapists out there. They do NOT all follow the same line as MWD does. Some FT actaully specialize in infidlity : Penny Tupy. W Harley, Shirley Glass, Spring as well has written a great book called After the Affair.
You can break down affair busting strategies into two main camps : Softball and hardball.
Sofbtall involves being the more inviting option. Not bringing up the affair, not arguing, not exposing the affair. The body of the work is on you and improving who you aer as a person hoping this will entice the WS back to the marriage after the affair has run its course.
Most softball approaches work from the assumption that infidelity is something under the spouses control that they can chose to end when they are prepared to do so.
Harball involves being the more inviting option, but from a different perspective. Affairs thrive on sex, secrecy, and emotional connection. By confronting your spouse about the affair, exposing the affair to friends and family who apply pressure to the WS to end their wrecklessness, even staging interventions much like for any other addiction you make the affair gradually over time a very embarassing and stressful mess. This strategy makes YOU the better option by taking away the excitement of the affair by attacking it directly.
Further, the hardball technique involves shutting your spouse OUT of your life while your exposure group does the pressure for you. The LBS would protect themsleves in silence effectively giving the WS a time out of the marriage.
Most hardball approaches work from the assumption that infidelity is an addiction. An addition that they are not in control of that requires a great deal of external pressure and painful doses of reality to shake the addiction enough to push the WS to consider attempting to end their affair.
CD, you have to decide when you get here on this forum what you are dealing with. Once you do that you have to decide what kind of strategy you want to take, hardball or softball.
I consistently advocate hardball. I tried softball myself for over a year and got no where.. You will find that a common occurance here : LBS who arrive here having tried LRT and other softball approaches only to be met by a brick wall that shows no signs of crumbling anytime soon.
You can combine approaches by workign on improving yourself and your life WHILE having your friends and family apply pressure on the WS to end the affair.
The main dividing line is on exposure or not. If you choose to attack teh affair and bring it to the light of day hoping this will apply pressure on the spouse to end the affair you are not playing softball anymore.
Many vistiors here will try both methods and end up with a mess. If you are giong to exopse, and invite family to get invovled, you really can't try to be the more attractive option at that point - you are bringing a world of upset on your WS (and rightly so). This will not in the short term make you a more attractive option.
The success rates vary for these strategies and are hard to measure as oftentimes LBS mix the two approches up or jump back and forth between them (not something I reccomend).
