WAH and LBW separated and dark

[Greek]

well, i knew that if i said anything, both my h and his father would jump to her defense.

Mind reading.

also, if you have nothing good to say, then say nothing at all.

Cop out.

no, she wouldn't ask me because she knew i would say no but this was her way of getting her son to buy in to her innocent gesture. because she's always "just trying to help."

Mind reading.

i just said "all of my blue ornaments are moved to the back?" they all know blue is my favorite colour.

Mind reading.

she brought all of their traditions and all of h's childhood memories and everything that she felt we needed.

Mind reading.

What if she was bringing those childhood Christmas items to your home to share that part of his life with you? Your mind reading went to the destructive end of the spectrum when you assigned her motive. She may have indeed been reaching out. However - neither of us knows that - only she does.

My M&FIL, as I posted to you previously, have been rough on me and our M. No question. I spent many years angry at them for things similar to what you report your in-laws have done to you...and worse and more hurtful, even. A point I would like to make to you is that I am no longer ANGRY with them. I let it go - but not in a "Poof - no more anger" moment. That's magic and it doesn't work that way. I used compassion. I recalled the things my MIL had said and done to me over 20+ years and decided that unwarranted cruelty like that must come from a hurting person. I put myself in her shoes and really tried to see it her from her side, with her hurts and scars and possible fears - gave her the benefit of the doubt in a lot of areas (b/c I'm kind) - and over time, I have come to see that her bad treatment of me is not about ME. It's about something else - who knows - but it's not my problem. No more anger. Compassion.

I have been able to use this experiential knowledge (replacing anger with compassion) in all areas of my life - my work, my children, my H, my friends, my sibs, people who cut me off in traffic, people on this forum... It's liberating.

Greek