Long story short ....it's called being in the right place at the right time I guess. The plan was for me to be sunning myself on a Greek island but I had to cancel. So I would simply have never met the lady in question. Is that fate?
I'm going to do Law. My daughter will be mobile this time next year so Dad's taxi can go into semi-retirement. Free's up some more time so thought I should put it to good use.
Hi Andy! Today I decided to look up old friends and what a nice surprise to find you are still alive and well!!! (hopefully you are well...you didn't say much about the accident) By the way,hi to amd, too!
It's been years....grown up kids and a new relationship! WOW!!! I'll ask a tacky question...did you ever decide to get divorced? I recall that your wife was living with someone, but you were not eager to get divorced at the time. I probably missed a bunch in between, but it's easier to ask instead of rereading your thread. It sounds like you met someone when you least expected it. Any words of wisdom on starting a new relationship???
Hi Matilda, really good to hear from you. It's been a while. How are you? You must give me an update.
Ah, no we still haven't gone down the divorce route. We'd pretty much sorted everything out so the only reason for doing it now would be if either of us wanted to re-marry. It's not on the cards yet though.
New relationships. Not sure on that one. Once you know you are right for one another then it's down to loyalty, trust, respect, honesty and whether you love one another. Lots of things to fit together - work, family etc. So it takes patience as well. Ulimately our goal is to spend more time together and eventually share a life but it takes time. I'm not sure whether that was the question you asked. Happy to share more if it wasn't.
Thanks, Andy. Guess my question should have been more: how did you know you were ready for a new relationship? It's been 3 years since my ex and I separated....1 year of separation and 2 years divorced. I moved to a different state and started a new job almost a year ago. It's only been recently that I can talk about my previous marriage without crying. My office mate keeps asking if I'm ready to date and I say I have no interest! Just haven't "run into anyone" (car accident or otherwise) that sparks my interest. Not sure if it's just that I don't want to be hurt again, or just still busy finding myself. I was married 30 years so guess that is a factor.
You sound happy! Are you in law school now? Does your daughter still ride? Do you have a summer holiday planned?
I kept hold of this and it's something I posted probably 4 years ago now....are you strong enough to forgive?
"With eyes closed, imagine a comfortable, relaxed, quiet, unhurried place. Your former partner is there and with each other you're comfortable. Each of you takes turns in talking and listening, nothing heavy, just pleasant and cordial interchanges.
Now as you are talking and listening, it becomes a little more personal. Imagine yourself telling her or him some of those things you always wanted to tell, but were never able to say. You feel very free to let out these things within you. Sharing those things you always wanted to share and could not share. It feels good inside to be doing this.
Imagine your former mate telling you those things that he or she always wanted to tell you but never could before. Here she or he is, truly communicating to you their very personal yearnings, hopes and dreams. Imagine, you two have really shared with each other and ... and "heard" each other. It has felt good, this sharing and hearing - a good exchange!
Now, you hear a bit of tremor in your voice. Slowly, you ask your former mate to forgive you for whatever you may have done that hurt them. And you see yourself, hesitantly, granting forgiveness to them for whatever they may have done that hurt you. Continue to picture this setting, as both of you stand up. You have stood up and you say good-bye to each other. You shake hands and say good-bye again. Picture yourself now turning and walking away, not looking back. You have said good-bye and you are now walking away, leaving him or her behind.
Now, In your imagination gaze upon this scene from a third person perspective. You can see the two of you walking away from each other. As you see yourself moving toward your point of view, you see each of you moving further and further apart. You become larger in your view, as he or she is getting smaller and smaller. You watch her or him walk away, until finally you see your former mate disappear from your sight in the far distance, far behind you. You feel okay about this. Inside somehow, though painful, though filled with emotions, somehow you feel that it will be okay. Now......., slowly come back to the present. Come back to where you are. You have imagined truth here. Your former mate will get smaller and smaller for you as time goes on. You will continue to become much more important to yourself in your own eyes. You will be just fine, because you will come closer and closer to whom you really are as a human being of value and worth."
This was the first stage for me. Not sure exactly when I felt ready to date. Spent the next couple of years just being on my own, doing what I wanted to do for me and the children. I think you will just know when you are ready Matilda.
I'm going to work and study. My daughter does still ride but will stop at the end of the season so I will have more time. No holiday this year, perhaps next year
Hey, you don't sound that bad. Ask him? Work on yourself to be the best person that you can be. Otherwise, 2 years is a long time to wait. I am not an advise giver but an ultimatum might be instore.
Andy....if I read that 4 years ago it wouldn't have made any sense. Today it does. Thank you! Actually I thought I had forgiven him.....but maybe not. My ex is still not happy even though he is in another relationship (and has been since we separated). Secretly that makes me feel better about myself....problems in our relationship were not all my fault! Still working on the part of believing in myself. I will copy what you posted and give it a try!!! Thanks for keeping in touch.
Andy, I haven't started a new thread for ages. I still don't have a computer at home so time on this website is very limited. How was your Christmas? How are your children? ALmost grown up by now I guess. Best wishes for 2011!!!!
