Although I've found this board an incredible source of support and DBing a way of being aware on different levels, I'd approach the former spouse's departure differently.
When the red flags presented themselves, I'd pay attention and challenge his behavior. As Puppy espouses, get the information, confront and set boundaries.
If he wanted to leave, he could pack is bags and let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.
I'd immediately file for divorce detailing in dollars and cents how much this would cost him financially to pursue this new relationship.
If those shocks didn't encourage a change in behavior then he was already gone.
Of course, being a sentimental deluded optimist, I don't know if I'd followed through with such decisive action.
