Taylor, within these boards there are two very different schools of thought on A's, and how to handle them. As you've seen, Puppy, Allen et al always advocate that you Bust and Expose. The MLC opinion is different, and can vary, but basically says that since an MLCer is not rational (as opposed to a WAS who is) that busting and exposure can backfire if done at the wrong time or in the wrong way.
Neither are being rational, PEI. I have studied literally THOUSANDS of affairs over the past six years, and there is nothing rational about people -- previously well-adjusted and often reasonably happy -- who suddenly:
- jeopardize their careers with dangerous behavior at work;
- drain their families finances;
- expose themselves to STDs (and worse), and then bring it home and expose their unsuspecting spouses to the same things;
- neglect their own children (oftentimes, this is a mother), and even their basic needs (like a meal) to be with their OP;
- voluntarily give up their marital bed and even their homes;
- lie to their own children, siblings and parents about all of the above;
- jettison all of their previously cherished relationships, with former best friends, parents, siblings, when those people disagree with what they are doing and are perceived to get in the way of the affair;
- etc.
- etc. No, they're ALL delusional and irrational. The difference between the two approaches (and PEI is right, there are two VERY different approaches advocated) is that one treats the affair like an addiction, and the other treats is as one of a broader group of symptoms (MLC).
I've studied all of the various teachings on the best way to deal with affairs -- MWD's, Harley, Tupy, McGraw, Glass, etc. While each emphasize different aspects, it basically comes down to a group that believes in treating it as an ADDICTION, complete with physiological implications, and a group that doesn't.
I know reasonable people who differ on this, and I'd estimate the divide is somewhere around 60/40, so neither approach is some extreme view. But trust me, there is NOTHING rational about the behavior or someone caught up in an affair. It is only after I studied them, and came to the conclusion that affairs were ADDICTIONS, that suddenly all of the bizarre and reckless behavior suddenly made sense to me.
Puppy
P.S. If you want to do some further reading on this, Google sometime the following: "love lust brain addiction PEA". Scary stuff. Enlightening, but scary.
