Hoosh...I haven't been posting in months, but I wanted to check in on you and was so sad to hear your heart breaking in your post about your D. It hurts to read because my son had some extreme challenges as a child with bullies, not having any true friends (only a few neighborhood kids who mostly took advantage of him), and really struggling in school. This was his reality from K through 12. All the kids saw him as "weird" and teased, bullied or worse, ignored him. He rarely had bday parties with friends or sleep-overs (maybe one every two years). He used to love the movie Stand by Me, about the four thirteen year old boys and their bond and their adventure story...and it would break my heart to see him watching it over and over because I knew what it really meant...he was wishing he had that type of experience...even with just ONE friend...but there weren't any.
So I had to be his best friend, even knowing that it is just going to make matters worse for him to be a momma's boy...but what else could I do? So we were always extremely close, had fun and laughs and I always kept his spirits high...but I actually yearned and prayed for him to just have true friends like he needed.
But that never happened for him as a child, and he grew up thinking there must be something so extremely wrong with him for him not to be able to make true friends and keep them. It really affected him, as you can imagine. His father also emotionally abandoned him during our divorce, when he was 14 years old, so obviously that didn't help matters much.
For the life of me I could never figure out why there were no friends for him, as he is a very sweet person and is very deserving of friends. Why did this happen to him?? (We moms can agonize over our babies' struggles so stoically).
Anyway, the reason I have to share this with you, although it probably won't help right now, is because NOW my son is 22 years old....and WOW, DOES HE HAVE FRIENDS?!? He sure the heck does! And they are real, true friends. They truly love him and want his companionship. And they are GOOD kids and nice people (not users, posers, or jerks). He has at least 50 acquaintances that are close enough to go out and hang out with, attend their get-togethers, go camping or hiking or dancing with...and another 20 or so actual close friends. (This doesn't count the 100's of FB friends). He has many girls trying to date him, as well, and lives with a young guy roommate and they are having the time of their young batchelor lives.
We have talked now several times about his feelings about his friends or lack of friends...starting when he was very young, and all the way through school, and now during his young adulthood. He can express how frustrating and sad it was for him back then, and can reflect upon how grateful and happy he is now. He is especially grateful that he didn't become bitter or mean in response to how the world treated him back then...but instead, he just had to have faith that he was worthy of friendship until he grew in maturity enough to really understand how to be a good friend and how to be confident in meeting people and in relationships. He can see how unfair it was to him during his childhood and it still hurts him, but he has overcome any lifelong self-esteem issues that may have come from it, and now he just feels happy and headed toward a lifetime full of friendship and companionship.
Hoosh...Try very hard to take heart in your D's potential future, even given all of the challenges she is going through. This is not to downplay the very real affects they have on her now and will have on her forever...but she has her own future destiny which may be totally different than her childhood. She may not end up feeling isolated and sad forever. She may just turn it all around and become "herself" in a way that leaves all of that far behind. I am amazed to find out who my son really is, his real self that has been created through struggle and sadness...he rocks! And he is nothing like the sad, depressed young person I had very much expected him to become, based on the evidence of his childhood.
YOU and your love for her are the only things she can always and forever count on, so you know she has at least ONE THING that will be her platform to rise from. A platform that will always be there is the only thing I could give mine, too, and it was apparently enough.
I only share this story as a glimmer of hope, as I have so been where you are emotionally with regard to my fears and worries for my son...and I know there is nothing to take away the reality of her present circumstances (and yours). Yes, it may hurt like this for some time to come...but your prayers for her to overcome it WILL COME TRUE. Just believe in them and never let it go...even if all evidence gets you down in the meantime, the future can be different.
You've come so far. She has had a difficult path thrown in front of her feet. You and she still have a lot of your book of life left to write. Keep focused on a happy ending! Keep remembering that not only can every change for the worse (as it already has for you for the past couple of years)...but things can also suddenly change for the better (as you are just now beginning to see in your own life with the new job, the in-laws reaching out to you again, etc). THINGS CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!! Keep that in your heart as tight as possible. You're such a sweetheart, I just know it is all going to come full circle.
