Deep: You said: "I accepted that she could indeed have a perfect right to be happy, a clear, unbiased acceptance that also accepted that I did not need to be ecstatic about her choices but that it was Ok." It sounds like you got to a much more peaceful place - I'm not there yet, but nor was I where you were either- with sitch or behavior.
Luckily, I found the book and this site before the bomb dropped b/c I started sensing something was coming. From Day 1 I DB'd and have done a good job, I think. GAL comes easily to me and I'm not doing it to get his attention, just to keep sane and have fun, also get out of the house away from H. The persuading I did do was done in MC mostly, before bomb. I stopped the day he asked for a D. Have gotten several comments from him that I seem unemotional about everything- not true, but I show the DB face. I'm about to the point of truly saying "why am I taking this", esp with the escalating behavior.
Everything I'm focused on now is planning for a life on my own. I don't know if that means I'm done or not, just planning b/c it looks like it's coming. I won't try to persuade at all and will grieve in private. The one thing that makes me nervous is that, although I've been clear - verbally, writing- that this is not what I want, I don't know if my lack of extreme emotional reaction tells him instead that I could care less about him- that's something I've struggled with a lot. What message am I sending? I fear it's that I don't care and the reaction is and will continue to be: well, I guess she doesn't want me either, so I'm free to go. Any thoughts on that would be very welcome.
Btw, how do you define "dropping the rope", Deep? Do you mean not arguing and pleading with them, or just letting go of your attachment to the R in general?
Originally Posted By: Piano
I also wish I hadn't done all the pleading and hsysteria... I was so shocked to find myself in 'limbo' because the bomb came in the context of an international move, and in the 2nd trimester of a planned pregnancy. ... I am also losing the motivation to keep telling him how 'wrong' his decision is...only because I am tired, not because I don't beleive it. ...nikita, how old is your child?
(((Piano))) I can't begin to imagine the pain and grief you're going through. "In another life" I read some of your thread, though you won't see my name there. My H was the one who really wanted a baby but has re-written history to say otherwise- boggling. Let's say child is around 4. Vague, I know. Sorry. Are you in the alt? I can say more there to clarify. Co-parenting has been a major issue for me since the birth. Being a single parent is HARD, though. Not looking forward to it and I have one who's a pretty good dad.
Piano- I'll try to drop in on your thread, but since you're already here- I hope you have a strong in person support system to lean on and to help you, my dear. That first year- as you're already learning- is hard. No one tells you that. It's easy for me to say that a man like him doesn't deserve the privilege of you or raising a child- that he is the lowest of the low and you're better off without him. But that's without me having loved him as you have and known him in better days when you planned a future and family together. (((Piano)))
