horrible, horrible, horrible sex!!!!! horrible! so bad that i couldn't even have an orgasm!! so bad that my mind was so focused on my wife's face filled with misery that i just couldn't have an orgasm!
we got into bed after having a nice day together. got the kids into bed, shut their door, shut ours, locked it, and tried to get things started.
1. "i can't believe i'm gonna do this now. you'll be asleep in ten mins, while i will be up all night--as usual!" she said.
2. "don't touch me there, don't pull up my shirt. why can't you be like other men, and just get it over with?! why do you need all of this stuff (foreplay) all of the time?! it takes too long, and i just want to get it done, but you need to have this looooonnnngggg drawn out session!" she said.
3. i go a tad soft, but then do my best to push all of this nonsense away, and start having intercourse.
4. i can see her face in the dim light coming in from the streetlight: it's a look of misery, of "i can't wait until he's done," "how much longer?"
5. her eyes are looking at the ceiling, at the door, at me then quickly at the wall.
6. then she starts giggling about the noise our bodies were making--like a suction-cup sound. i thought this would relax her, and break the tension, but it didn't: i tried to pick up her shirt again, and again she told me no.
7. still staring blankly at me, i couldn't take it anymore, so i rolled her onto her side. i was determined to have an orgasm, and determined to get her going. " oh, i hate this position," she said.
8. i'd say about 15-20 mins passed when i just stopped. she wanted to know if i was cumming, because it was starting to hurt, so i stopped where she proceeded to say, "what's wrong? i don't know why you just can't be like other men. that's because you jerk-off too much."
9. i told her that that was the most horrible sex ever! "you want to know why i couldn't cum? well, it's because of you psyching me out with your look of misery, and you telling me not to touch you there, and don't pull up my shirt!"
10. we got cleaned-up, got dressed, got back into bed, and she said,"i'm sorry, but you should be like other men, and don't expect so much (or something like that). I asked her who she was talking to that told her that men only want quickies? she said that she has read articles, and has seen it on tv shows. i said, "bullshit! not one tv show, not one article by the sexperts ever, ever say that most men want it fast and quick without any romance, foreplay, etc. whoever you are talking to and whatever you are reading is completely wrong! and i can take care of myself five times in one day, and still be able to have an orgasm while making love to you at night!"
she didn't even want me to give her an orgasm, let alone not touch her down there!
this isn't the first time this has happened; it actually happens quite often--whenever i initiate and she isn't in the mood.
you tell me what i should now do.
i can tell you that she will not discuss this issue tomorrow, that she will simply sweep it under the rug, and act like nothing happened waiting for august to come, for her period to come, so the pieces can be reset, and all will be forgotten, and she can get her monthly maintenance.
she could've said "tomorrow. i will make it up to you somehow." or she could've taken care of me some other way soon after i pulled out and not let it go this far, but that would be giving up control, losing her executive position in this empty, sexless, unromantic marriage. god forbid she actually did something loving, caring, sensitive for me!
tomorrow, i want to throw michele's book at her and tell her to start reading it, because if things don't change, i will start making other plans for my future--a future without her.
i know you cannot have a sexless marriage. you can't have an unromantic marriage as well. you need to be able to express your love for her/him without feeling any kind of fear that you will be rejected, just because you love this person! i try to give her kisses out of the blue, and she looks at me like i have three heads, like it's really a nuisance. she never puts her arms around me whenever i try to kiss her, wrapping mine around her: i literally have to put them around me, and even then it's half-hearted.
there's so much more that i can write, but i'm too tired.
i ain't no saint, but i've been doing my best to keep in mind what she dislikes about me, and i've been trying my damnest to correct any flaws she thinks i have (not being assertive enough; not being a teamplayer with her as a parent;not doing enough with the kids' schoolwork/homework/projects and other responsibilities they have to deal with in school, like forms,and other paper items).
