WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

So you chose to act like the child she was treating you as?

well, i knew that if i said anything, both my h and his father would jump to her defense.

also, if you have nothing good to say, then say nothing at all.

You were acting like a child.. remember.

no, she wouldn't ask me because she knew i would say no but this was her way of getting her son to buy in to her innocent gesture. because she's always "just trying to help."

How did you say it? There is the possibility that she is a big baby.. or a manipulator.

i just said "all of my blue ornaments are moved to the back?" they all know blue is my favorite colour.

So.. after things got "out of hand".. you just walked away?

things never really escalated. voices weren't ever raised.
no fight ensued.
a friend of mine was in town and invited me to go for coffee. so i told them i had to go out but i'd be back for dinner. i left for about 5 hrs - between noon and 5 pm.

How could this have been handled differently?

i probably could have set boundaries.
i had said to h before they arrived that i wanted us to create our own christmas traditions. it was the first christmas at our home. i wanted it to be the start of our own traditions.
but when his mother came, she brought all of their traditions and all of h's childhood memories and everything that she felt we needed.

i wanted to set boundaries of one item is fine but don't overtake my decorated home with what you think would make our home festive.

and my h has trouble maintaining boundaries. he allowed her to replace everything that i picked out with everything she brought.

Anyway.. sorry I have not been around much. I am keeping up. I have been crazy busy at work and it just finally settled down today. I got your other messages and I will do what I can.

good timing though. i really need some discussion on a few issues. i feel the rollercoaster taking a dive.

When do you actually get the house?

won't get it until next year.
i was so excited when i got the house i wanted.
i have to start shopping for appliances now. i am looking into Bosch appliances.

i'm one of the lucky ones where i don't have financial difficulties. my h used to say me that i had a secret "leave him" fund. but really, my savings were more like an emergency fund.

the house is almost 2200 sq ft. it sounds like a lot for one person but it's actually not that big. the layout is great. lots of windows. i'm going to create a kick ass kitchen. i miss having a real kitchen.

the house will have appreciated between now and the day i get the keys. the homes in the area are in demand. which is why i bought in that area.

i put a lot of thought into it. it wasn't just a spur of the moment decision. i know what group i am targeting to sell my home in the future. equity is never a bad thing to have.

btw, thanks for introducing me to randy pausch. i have watched his last lecture many times and all i can think of is .. "if you live your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. the dreams will come to you."

i am proud of who i am. how i was raised. what i stand for. how i handled myself so far. i may have gone ballistic a few times here, but not in public.
i feel like i have lived my life the right way so far.
if i were to go today, i would go in peace.
so many things become irrelevant in the face of death.
how i choose to live my life is what defines me.
my m does not define me.
what my h says about me, does not define me.
what my father has said about me, does not define me.

It is not the things we do in life that we regret on our death bed. It is the things we do not. Find your passion and follow it. And if there is anything that I have learned in life, you will not find that passion in things. And you will not find that passion in money. Because the more things and the more money you have, the more you will just look around and use that as the metric — and there will always be someone with more. Your passion must come from the things that fuel you from the inside. That passion will be grounded in people. It will be grounded in the relationships you have with people and what they think of you when your time comes.

this is why i didn't fight over stuff during our split.
i learned that things or money isn't going to fuel me from inside and be happy.
growing up poor, we had very little but we had a happy childhood. we didn't need things to make us happy. my siblings and i had each other.
it is so true that passion is grounded in people and the relationships with these people.

why am i talking about this? because i am keeping up my end of the bargain. talk less about h and his side of things. the focus is on me.

i feel like i've grown a lot during my time here. the journey isn't over and there is so much to learn.

dumped.