New here, not sure where to start

[PEI]

Busting the A is breakin it up. Coming out to your family and friends is usually referred to as Exposing.

Something to keep in mind: That is a bell you can't unring. If you choose to expose the A, your friends and family will never forget it happened and this can potentially make reconciliation harder. They will not understand you wanting to work it out.

Taylor, within these boards there are two very different schools of thought on A's, and how to handle them. As you've seen, Puppy, Allen et al always advocate that you Bust and Expose. The MLC opinion is different, and can vary, but basically says that since an MLCer is not rational (as opposed to a WAS who is) that busting and exposure can backfire if done at the wrong time or in the wrong way. There are also different views on snooping and the gathering of intel ... but again it's all related to how to handle the A, and if you believe your H is in MLC.

IMO, the most important thing to remember is this: only set boundaries if you are truly ready to live with the consequences of having to follow through with them. Setting boundaries and not following through will set you back. Big time.

I am assuming from reading your postings that this is not a physical affair, but an emotional one. Emotional ones take more time and are harder to let go of by both parties.

If you bust the affair, you bring it out in the open and that's all you do. Do not continue to harp on it w/him or bring up the affair partner. If you do, you may very well push him into defending her and wanting to protect her from you and anyone else who attempts to talk some sense into his head.

^^^ all true.

Peace
PEI