Another thing is that you would have to face your H if he ends up living here and you co-parent...I have no choice but to see stbxh 6 days per week just to exchange S.
Is it possible to leave when he is there? Or avoid him? That is what I did the last 1/3-1/2 of stbxh's visits.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Hey Newmama, I wish I had your strength. I know I have said it before but you are really just so inspiring how you have managed to be the queen of dignity! I have often wondered what would be worse: having WH here to coparent, or having him gone.
Part of the pain of having him gone, is knowing I will never (rarely) see him again. It's so final.
I feel if I saw him often, it would perhaps help me with closure because there might be more dicussions or whatever, or potetially counseling, I could be less bitter because I could see him being a good dad... but none of that is guaranteed anyway, is it?
Closure.. i want closure.. i want to know what happened, darn it!
[quote]I recommend trying to set up your "single mom" life. Mentally, first, and then try to think of all the things you and your D will do and picture doing them without your H.
Thanks NM, that has given me inspiration. I have my birth class reunion today (where everybody shows off their babies) and I just feel emotionally unable to face it, seeing all those couples and not one single mum.
Piano, I was not always so strong! I did not dare think of life any other way than what I wanted! But I firmly believe we can't just flip a switch and make ourselves "strong!" You did say something about using your "thoughts" to make "actions" though. So true...
Ok so the reunion will probably be hard if they don't know your sitch. I won't lie! So prepare a quick excuse if you arrive and feel like you can't take it...although our babies always provide us with ready made excuses!
Just the other week I couldn't take the shiny happy mother-father couples in swim class so I still have a lot of growing to do....
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Thanks NM, it's so hard isn't it? Wondering what it would be like to be a parent WITH a partner?! But yes I should remember than Changing Thoughts Changes Emotions and Changes Actions. I'll try to pick myself up asap! I didn't go the reunion. Couldn't face it today. But that's OK. Me and bub had some nice quality time just hanging out the two of us.
What I would REALLY like is to do is get to a place where I don't need a 3rd party. It's humiliating.
Besides what message does it send to him? I think it says I am weak and angry.
I don't think so at all! In my eyes, it's that you understand that he is not good to be around. His energy is weak and you're better not seeing him. You don't even have to be angry to be "above" his crud!
Oh no, I see there's another page. I should post this now and keep reading.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
It is true that in the future sometime, like NM sort of said, you'll have to see him to exchange bub. But you can still be "above" it then- so much time will have passed, it will be an entirely different scenario.
Originally Posted By: Piano
I feel if I saw him often, it would perhaps help me with closure
Closure.. i want closure.. i want to know what happened, darn it!
I think we have to create our own closure. And I think WH being gone will help you do that a lot!
I just wanted to say... I don't think you should ask WH anything. Like why he didn't ask about her. Whatever his response is, it won't be good enough. Busy, thought she was fine, or whatever. Hearing his response would just make me more mad because he doesn't have a good reason!
G, you were right about not asking anything because he ignored my question.
WH writes to me today that if baby doesn't have his surname it will endanger her future "inner balance". No, that happened when you decided to walk out on her, d!ickhead.
He also writes "I am her father and I am going to be part of her life as her father". How, at 17,000kms is he going to do that?
I feel like I am dealing with a nutcase.
I really have never seen this side of my WH before. He is unrecognisable. Separation/divorce really does bring out the worst in people.
I will try to be strong at tomorrow's visit and be present. My Dad is going to stick around too (for my sake).
My H keeps saying we have "years" to talk about what happened between us. That's another way of saying we won't ever talk about it/process it.
