Geez, Allen. Female affairs can go on years? I thought 99% were doomed from the get go. Can't believe it would take that long.
This is an interview with Shirley Glass :
Q: There is a public conception of affairs as very glamorous, but as I’m hearing you tell it, the aftermath of affairs is pretty messy. How do we square these views?
Dr. G. They’re both true. In those captured moments, there is passion and romance. We’re in Stage One of relationship formation--idealizing the partner. Stage One can go on for years, as long as there’s a forbidden aspect. The admiration and positive mirroring can go on for a long time--until you get to a reality-based relationship. Which is why so many affairs end after the person leaves the marriage.
Q: How many affairs survive as enduring relationships?
Dr. G. Only 10 percent of people who leave their relationship for affairs end up with the affair partner. Once you can be with the person every day, and deal with all the little irritations in a relationship that make it less romantic, you’re into Stage Two--disillusionment.
Several people have told me they wish the affair had never happened; they wish they had worked on their marriage instead. Once they got into an affair, it was too compelling. But now that the affair has settled into a reality based relationship, it is too late to go back to the marriage; they destroyed too much.
Note : Phil McGraw tallies this number at less than 1%, Penny Tupy tallies it at less than 5%.
The discrepancy is very likely due to the definition of "enduring relationship"
What benchmark does an affair couple have to meet before you can say "OK, they made it, they are long term and grew up without falling apart first"
Is that two years.. five years, ten years? I suspect McGraw is reaching further into the future than the other two... He may look ten years later and find less than 1% make it that far, but 10% may make it to the 2 or 3 year mark for example...
I don't have the actual details of each of their surveys... But the main point is that the survival rate for affair partners is pathetic compared to the average married couple of 50%... I would much rather roll the dice with 50% than with 10, 5, or 1% chance woudln't you?
