She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

I don't really have any advice for you right now. I think robx has given you plenty of good stuff. Whether or not your W has someone else is kind of irrelevant at this point. It would make some things make more sense but in reality it's her thing and has nothing to do with you.

I wouldn't even bother with a lunch or coffee. Maybe there's a more impersonal way to handle the stuff you would do over a face to face. I've found texting and emailing as a perfect way to share information about the kids. That way I don't even have to deal with her and crap that comes up in face to face interactions.

When my W told me she wanted to separate during one of our MC sessions, she basically said she wanted to do a legal separation. She then added "It doesn't mean we're going to D, my L said that a lot of people stay M and get back together. I just want to do it legally so everything is spelled out." When I got up to go to the bathroom, our MC told my W that she better not be playing a game with me. She told her if she wants out of the marriage she needs to say that and not play some game about 'legal separation, maybe get back together.' She told my W I deserved the straight truth and not some BS.

When I got back my W said she didn't want to be married anymore.

It makes me wonder if your W is trying to play the same game. I'd agree with robx about you being some kind of cushion to fall back on - whether there is someone else or not.

I imagine my W has had someone in the wings because most women don't take the leap without a parachute - it's very rare. I have no proof, but I would take a good guess that there is. At this point I don't care. That's her thing and has nothing to do with my life.

The same advice holds true. Take care of yourself and your D. Keep building your life. Don't let her dictate terms of you dating - I'd actually go opposite of what she suggests as part of her control attempt.

I would highly recommend this:

Your position should probably be:
"I'm not sure about us anymore, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, you giving me permission to date other women only gives me insight into our current relationship problems, if you're willing to entertain the possibility of sharing me with other women, maybe it's safe to assume you've started dating other men, why would anyone give their spouse permission to date other people? I hope you're happy with whoever this person is, you should be with him, I won't stand in your way anymore. Good luck with him."

Smile and walk away and do just that, move on, detach, let go of her, date other women, she's been in control for so long, what happens to her when you actually take her up on the offer and find a great woman who actually wants to be with you, guess what, she loses control of you and the situation she's created and that's when this dynamic changes.

Find a way to put it into one of your interactions. But make sure you mean it when you say it.

I've detached from my W to the point where I have no interest in even interacting with her at all. Of course I have to for information about the kids but that's it. That all gets done through text and email - and now I even do that through a third party.

It may change some of the dynamics, but it really doesn't matter to me. I'm not doing it to create some 'change', I'm doing it because it's right for ME. I could care less what impact it has on her. That makes all the difference.