The Wifey, you shouldn't assume it's certain that any of your husband's difficulties are your fault. You've gotten some good feedback here, so let me just add more of mine because I think people are all different in their constitution and life circumstances.
Though my wife went through a period of totally rejecting me sexually and personally, it didn't lead to clinical depression or ED on my part. Of course, my response could be taken in a negative way too, which my wife did for a while -- that I'm insensitive to her. I just kept having a robust interest in sex no matter how much my wife rejected me. Of course, I stopped trying to be intimate with her, but that didn't stop my interests which just went elsewhere instead.
If my wife were suddenly, as you describe yourself "loving, sensitive, gentle, plenty passionate, and adventurous in the bedroom", I'd be having lots of sex with my wife again, no matter what the past. Something about the fun and exciting aspects of sex make me quickly forget any bad stuff.
You sound fine to me. I think your husband is having problems. Show him love. But get him to a doctor, even if you have to scare him a bit. Tell him about the recent findings that ED can be an early indicator of preventable cardiovascular problems, and have nothing to do with him being a "man" or not. Why if you look around on some of these forums, you will see that there are even some 20-something men who are otherwise in good health who are dealing with ED.
