I want her to feel the sense of loss that i feel. she has a new family. i want her to miss her old one. maybe she does. i cant read her mind. i want things to remind her of me and i want her feel the pain that i do. Selfish it may be but that is what i want. I want her to know that she destroyed our family, our relationship, i dont want her to know that she destroyed me and the cry everyday over her. Is is wrong to want these things. some say the WA will feel these feelings later. I dont know if that is true. ..... But if she comes around she knows that she can still have me back anytime. i am staying away.
Hi Par4-
I don't think we've come across each other our our sitch's before. I wish I could have been here sooner because my turn is coming. The difference is that even before this happens to me, I am already aware that "she" may never fully understand what she did to anyone around them. Whether you want to call it "addicted to PEA or the A" or whatever, this is pure selfishness and those people exist. I'm going to guess that, like me, we NEVER expected that the women we married would turn into who they have become. But none of this is our problem. You and I can only deal with who we are and how we deal with it. I know it makes me feel better knowing that all I want going forward is the same kind of little house; a drum room for playing; a garage for my "toy" and a place for my D to sleep in when I have her. I can "see" that target. So it will be easy to "get there"
She, on the other hand, simply runs away from anything that is not easy; not convenient; not free; and/or comes with obligations to persevere. I can tell you that I wouldn't want to live like that as there are so few things on earth that fit that description and DON'T have "shelf lives". I want permanent things. Things I can count on. Yeah, they're work but they'll be mine.
And what will our WAW's have? A lifetime of regret. doesn't matter when or eevn if. Their fear of rolling up their sleeves and doing something will leave them with less and less as time goes by. By the time eithe of us-who WILL have reassembled and readjusted our lives by then- actually come across them,we will ask ouselves why we ever got with them in the first place and thank our stars we got off the ride when we did.
Stay strong, my friend, and keep working on you. You now KNOW the DB "things that go wrong in ralationships" and have taken the time to understand them, and the kind folks here have referred us to Dobson, Harley, etc so our next R's will be that much better- IF WE CHOOSE to enter one.
I take comfort in the fact that I am learning both how to potentially save my M, but most importantly, how to prevent it from happening again because I MUST TAKE CARE OF ME in order to bring something of value to my next R.
