HFF, I disagree. Have you read "Boundaries in Marriage?" The spirit of the book of the book is to move the M forward, not control the other person, or get into power struggles.
I'm going to set boundaries over undisputed major boundary violations--spending the night at the OP's place, or taking a vacation with him. Having a tantrum over furniture items or her talking on the phone with him, or dancing with him, or helping him move is not where I want to put my energy. I don't like it, but don't consider these major boundary violations.
The threat of contacting an attorney is a wake-up call to my W to cease and desist--a reality check that my mindset is to consider separation or D.
It's confusing because the connection has been so good these past few months. She does not speak highly of the OP, but has a compassion for him and wishes him well. If the positives were not in place, I might be walking to the attorney more quickly. It's not an easy judgment call on this side of the fence.
I think I'll know when it's time to fire the next warning shot. It's not yet time IMO.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
