Probably, the would be the easist solution if I just found one that i liked. I am just having a downer day. Not the yesterday was that great. I am just really down. I am still in shock. I still don't understand why the lies from her. Doesn't really matter. She didn't want me and doesn't want me. I have to move on but I want her to hurt. I want her to feel the sense of loss that i feel. she has a new family. i want her to miss her old one. maybe she does. i cant read her mind. i want things to remind her of me and i want her feel the pain that i do. Selfish it may be but that is what i want. I want her to know that she destroyed our family, our relationship, i dont want her to know that she destroyed me and the cry everyday over her. Is is wrong to want these things. some say the WA will feel these feelings later. I dont know if that is true. If I stay away how is she going to be reminded of me? but if if come around she knows that she can still have me back anytime. i am staying away. I am just having a bad day. I am lost.
Don't worry about issuing pain to her. Worry about getting your [censored] together and moving on, have fun doing it and don't worry about her. She will reflect back later on the destruction she issued. You get on a better path and don't worry about her.
i just want her to hurt also. it looks like she is just getting out with no pain. sure she cried a little when she left last week but now that she is in a new town, new husband and family, she has a whole new life. Professed how much she loved me 3 weeks ago and how she wanted to get remarried to me and marries some guy she just meets a few days later. just insane. i just cant understand, drugs or no drugs, it makes no sense. I didnt do anything wrong but i want this person to realize the pain that she caused. Screw it. i dont know how to say what i am trying to say. she lied to me and i feel betrayed.
Great advice MrBond. I truly liked it. It is exactly what I need to do. Just go outside and scream. I have holding this crap in for so long that it is starting to boil over. Yes, I talk to my counseler and some friends but nobody can give me answers except my ex. She is the only one that knows exactly why and what happened and she is the last person that I am going to talk to. She has no clue that I feel this way. The last thing I told her was how much I loved her and left it at that. That is the best I could do to safe the relationship. She made her choice and it wasn't me so i don't need to dignify her with any kind of response from me or any chasing or pleading. Do that now it is time to move forward. Most people know why this happened. I really don't know the true reason. We had our little problems but not this. Oh well, I feel a little better now. These boards may make me sound like a retard but I can write what is on my chest and get it off my mind. I do hate this. And yes, I do hope she is hurting. I hope she is missing me and wondering if she just made the biggest mistake of her life. Please let this be happening.
Yep like I said it happens to all of us. There's no logical reason why these things happen. You are missing her love and that's okay to feel. But then one day you'll get up and the pain will be less each time.
I want her to feel the sense of loss that i feel. she has a new family. i want her to miss her old one. maybe she does. i cant read her mind. i want things to remind her of me and i want her feel the pain that i do. Selfish it may be but that is what i want. I want her to know that she destroyed our family, our relationship, i dont want her to know that she destroyed me and the cry everyday over her. Is is wrong to want these things. some say the WA will feel these feelings later. I dont know if that is true. ..... But if she comes around she knows that she can still have me back anytime. i am staying away.
Hi Par4-
I don't think we've come across each other our our sitch's before. I wish I could have been here sooner because my turn is coming. The difference is that even before this happens to me, I am already aware that "she" may never fully understand what she did to anyone around them. Whether you want to call it "addicted to PEA or the A" or whatever, this is pure selfishness and those people exist. I'm going to guess that, like me, we NEVER expected that the women we married would turn into who they have become. But none of this is our problem. You and I can only deal with who we are and how we deal with it. I know it makes me feel better knowing that all I want going forward is the same kind of little house; a drum room for playing; a garage for my "toy" and a place for my D to sleep in when I have her. I can "see" that target. So it will be easy to "get there"
She, on the other hand, simply runs away from anything that is not easy; not convenient; not free; and/or comes with obligations to persevere. I can tell you that I wouldn't want to live like that as there are so few things on earth that fit that description and DON'T have "shelf lives". I want permanent things. Things I can count on. Yeah, they're work but they'll be mine.
And what will our WAW's have? A lifetime of regret. doesn't matter when or eevn if. Their fear of rolling up their sleeves and doing something will leave them with less and less as time goes by. By the time eithe of us-who WILL have reassembled and readjusted our lives by then- actually come across them,we will ask ouselves why we ever got with them in the first place and thank our stars we got off the ride when we did.
Stay strong, my friend, and keep working on you. You now KNOW the DB "things that go wrong in ralationships" and have taken the time to understand them, and the kind folks here have referred us to Dobson, Harley, etc so our next R's will be that much better- IF WE CHOOSE to enter one.
I take comfort in the fact that I am learning both how to potentially save my M, but most importantly, how to prevent it from happening again because I MUST TAKE CARE OF ME in order to bring something of value to my next R.
Yes, I just had a bad day today. I am going out on a date tonight so that will help. My R is over. There is no going back. It is stupid to miss her love or even think of it-it's gone and it is not coming back not matter what. I would rather die myself than take her back. I can not ever forgive what she has done. I can never live with her. I would bring it up every fight. I know this, I know me so I know that there is no sense working on anything except getting on with my life without her in it or being a part of it. They talk about boundaries all the time on this site. Well the boundary was crossed. I hate her for it. There I said it, first time I have said it. The hate does not make me boil up and fester. Losing what I thought was my best friend and life long partner is what hurts. The last talk we had she told me she wants to be buried beside me. Now that is kind of morbid but I know how she meant it. Well, she had her chance to do this. She had my love weither she knew it or not, it does not matter now. I just need to scream a little and get over it. Going to go on my date, get up and work tomorrow and then play some golf. My son is coming down to visit this weekend. I hope I am not a downer for him. I don't want to be sad around him. He knows that I am having problems but I don't want to have to fake paint my smile on. Oh, this is not mine and my ex's son. He is from a previous relationship. Best of luck to you guys this weekend.
As far as golf, you owe it to your son and yourself to enjoy the day for what it is- "a 4 hour walk in the park with a friend".
A perfect game is 18. Tiger can't do it either. relax and ask you S lot's of questions. Focus on his life more than yours. The youthful optimism may infect you.
