Good points kat, I needed to hear that especially from a woman's pov, thanks.
I still second guess myself one because the D is not finalized and I don't know why but I feel like I shouldn't piss her off. Two, because me pushing her away I'm sending her straight into someone else's arms (ok I said it). I think the truth of the matter is that she'll do what she wants to do regardless of what I say or do. It's what happened during our last separation.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I took the pillow etc because [teacher] said something about it not fitting in their cubbies. I'll leave it in/by her cubby for you when I pick her up today. Don't believe I have any of your red sheets but I'll look.
You can get the 2wire dsl modems on Craigslist or ebay.
Thanks for the tweezer. Hope you're feeling better.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Good points kat, I needed to hear that especially from a woman's pov, thanks.
I still second guess myself one because the D is not finalized and I don't know why but I feel like I shouldn't piss her off. Two, because me pushing her away I'm sending her straight into someone else's arms (ok I said it). I think the truth of the matter is that she'll do what she wants to do regardless of what I say or do. It's what happened during our last separation.
StupidRomeo,
You already know... That you can't chase or put demands on a wayward because it strengthens their resolve towards their affair. The best thing we can do is usually the opposite of what you think you should do.
Like GAL hard NOT CARING about her while you do it, and pick up your outside attraction even dating and being seen with sexy women who see you as an attractive mate.
Its not good, its not clean, but that jealousy and ownership thing is a powerful force. Plus if her friends are calling her stupid.
But being in the defensive position, staying strong weathering a storm she's kicking up on you doesn't work as we all know.
Get your swag back, if sexy was part of it get that back too.
Do you want to live a life scared of what her reaction would be or live a life which you can feel good about? No one wants to be a doormat, so don't be one. No one respects someone they can walk all over either.
She will wonder why you aren't answering her every whim. She will wonder why you aren't saving her. (Really women sometimes think like this). Just remember you are doing this to set boundaries, to keep you sane and let you grow strong and confident again(and yeah, sexy never hurts)lol
hang in there. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I made the same mistake as you. I walked on egg shells because I was afraid she would take half the house and I would be forced to sell so I treated her like a princess. In my case I have to say it was justified because the end result is that I kept my home. She only took half the savings etc. But that is not the case with you.
And like you I did things for her even after the separation and the divorce. My logic was that if I didn't then she would find some "guy" to do it for her eventually. Well little did I know that she was already having an EA and possibly a PA even before she dropped the bomb so I was a fool.
Once I found out about the affair (post divorce) this changed everything. We have zero contact. I only get bits of info about her from my Son who moved in with her recently.
I still think about her every day of course and it's painful. But to help me go on I try to think of what kind of a 48yr old man would a single or divorced middle aged woman be intersted in? And this helped me set some goals for myself. Working on this has kept me a bit busy so as to look more towards a better future rather than the mundane and lonely existance I have withought her right now.
It has to get better from here. Can't get any worse right? So go ahead and let her know what life will be like without SR. Give her a reality check and take that cake away from her.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
I never thought about it, that "cake" is more fulfilling while the LBS appears to be down and dependant on them for the love and attention. As soon as you have your life going, and flourishing and moved onto a new and fulfilling relationship, there is no more cake.
I still second guess myself one because the D is not finalized and I don't know why but I feel like I shouldn't piss her off. Two, because me pushing her away I'm sending her straight into someone else's arms (ok I said it). I think the truth of the matter is that she'll do what she wants to do regardless of what I say or do. It's what happened during our last separation.
Don't concern yourself whether or not you're pissing her off. She's ripping apart your marriage and your family. She's convinced herself that what she's doing is OK. Take care of yourself, legally and financially, and don't worry about the effect it has on her. You have every right to protect yourself legally and financially, as much as possible...and come out of this thing as well as you possibly can, legally and financially. It's her doing...so don't concern yourself with the effect it has on you. She sure isn't concerned with the effect her actions are having on you, your kids, the family, and the marriage!
If she goes into someone else's arms...it isn't because of anything you've done! It won't be because you 'pushed' her there! That's an excuse that some cheaters use...that's a copout! "The truth of the matter is that she'll do what she wants to do regardless of what I say or do." That's the fact Jack! Hard consequences are the only thing she'll understand...maybe. She's made her choices, and you have to make yours...and yours need to benefit you, and your kids, without any concern of the effect it'll have on her!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Cori's ex took their daughter again....this si the second time she has taken her and refused to return her (we have full custody of her...)
she called and asked for money since she has her for an extended time this time (she obviously does not get child support and has refused to pay any to us)
Cori was like um you KIDNAPPED her I am not sending you a check while we wait for court
she was actually angry... if you love your daughter you will send money to me to help out
(we have court again on the 12th of this month and another custody hearing on the 22 of August...we are going for supervised visitations)
my point is some people feel they are entitled to any and everything
doesn't matter what the world says
your wife may be one of those people
she will be pissed no matter what happens
who cares
someone could be fanning her and feeding her grapes and she would find soemthing to be pissed about
