Heartbroken and needing help!

[irishblessings]

Today was another tough day. Having a really hard time concentrating at work. Feeling a little overwhelmed by the day-to-day tasks of maintaining home, finances, S, family, friends, etc.

It is not about capability - I know I am capable - it's about loss. It's about losing a partner. H has shown NO evidence that he misses having me in his life. He has shown NO evidence that he cares or is concerned about how I am doing. Yes, I know I am a grown woman and I know that what is most important is how I feel about myself - I just miss that life. I know that he has demonized me and the life we had, but I have the evidence that it wasn't like he is seeing it - that being said, I continue to RESPECT the fact that HE believes it and therefore I do not engage him in talks about it or try to convince him otherwise. He has the right to his beliefs.

I also continue to think about what I am standing for - going back to my young friend's beliefs that if he doesn't love me he should be able to find love somewhere else. In my heart, it isn't about love - it is about so much more. It is about our kids, extended family, fun, friendship, partnership, work, attraction, dreams, companionship, support, respect, values - all of those things that developed over 28 years together. There were definitely more smiles than tears - more togetherness than separateness, more agreement than disagreement.

I know that MLC and its symptoms don't make sense - it is a crazy time. I just needed to state this to remind myself that I am sane and that I have the strength and reasons to stand for my marriage.

Thanks for being here!