The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Journaling:
Sometimes in the quiet moments the ghosts come back to haunt. I know it's because of the changes that are going on. But I feel them less. I allowed myself to feel everything. I still do. But I recognize that I have a way to go still. I don't believe the answer is just time. I think there is more to it than that. I think that part of GAL'ng is to actively seek to retrain ourselves. Cognitive Dissonance is part of that as well. Working on me is something that includes much of that. Good thing I like me
What really sparked my interest in journaling was the realization of the sequence of events. i realize my wife is having a MLC of sorts. Perhaps more complicated than that. But I can look back and see the fracture. I looked back and realized I described it as being "as if she has had an emotional stroke". I see now it is very similar to that indeed.
Love is a choice. In this case the fracture occurred and then there was a rebuilding. During that rebuilding, she chose not to love. The rebuilding is still going on. The mourning of the marriage is still going on. I am to some degree as well. I see that. But then I also see that I am and have changed very much in even the last few months. I am changing constantly.
I am not angry. I am not really saddened. I am thinking about the situation more than I should. It prevents me from living my life. Almost obsessive. For that reason I'm going to take a break from the boards for a while. Time to more aggressively retrain my brain. Focus on me and the the kids and the things that need my immediate attention. And only those things.

I'll be back....

AJ