Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[The Wifey]

My H has ED and will not go to the doctor. He feels no desire. It isn't a mental block, but a physical thing. It is incredibly frustrating and hard to hear that the man that used to go crazy for me feels nothing. He does not even have morning erections. I understand it is hard for a man to seak treatment, but struggle to understand why he's done nothing.

I asked him if he preferred if I go have an affair. He responded that he wants me to do what makes me happy. SOB, what would make me happy is for him to go to the doctor, or both of us go to the doctor, and seak treatment. I even told him that if he sought treatment and it was unsuccessful that it didn't make him less than a man.

No dice. He can't go there physically or emotionally. In the meantime I sit here and wonder why what I thought we had was only my perception, or perhaps a story he's told himself that isn't true. I don't know which.

All I know is that if I had a sexual problem I would be at the doctor asking him to treat me. It hurts that it isn't important to him. It doesn't do a lot for my self confidence and makes me feel very vulnerable.

My question is do you and how do you contribute to this situation?

I'm in a similar predicament with a lowering sex drive and was suffering ED.

What the difference was is my wife went from :

Showing me love, desire and attention through the way she looks at me, her actions, her body language, her tone of voice ( lovely and syrupy ), her intent, the fact that she protected me socially. I got sex and love just about whenever I wanted it, and if I did not initiate I was awaken in a variety of pleasureable ways. At this time i was fed with "love", with "being desired", and given "the benefit of the doubt".

This changed to:

A cantankerous and negative attitude, a dominant attitude and body language, tone of voice like a male "bill collector", telling me "it doesn't matter" with respect to the relationship, the fact she says "I don't think about you", and the fact she threw me under the bus socially. On top of this a greatly lowered sex rate and physical abuse. I've had sex 4 times in the last year, also our marriage is about the lowest priority in her life. At this time I was fed with "disdain", "hate", "lack of desire". Through repetition I was trained not to expect anything, and take what I'm given ( literally nothing ).

My question to you is there anything you can do to "feed" your husband the feelings he needs to feel like man.

Are you thinking about yourself and the fact that he's depressed is dragging you down?

It may be how he feels about himself. You as his wife can help this.

Also my question was do things just not work or they can be assisted?

In my case, it was an ED due to being treated like crap and not desired. If I was getting this from elsewhere I would not have been as affected. Instictially my thought is if I am given an abundance of love and desire things will work better.

I'm sure I've contributed lots of crap. I was just diagnosed as Adult ADD and I am reading how destructive this can be to a marriage. He may be depressed, but according to him he is "at peace" and has accepted what is rather than stress over what isn't.

I always thought I was very loving, sensitive, gentle, and plenty passionate and adventurous in the bedroom. I loved him as best I knew how, but never had a clue that there was something else that influenced how we related.

I do tell him he is still very manly to me. I do say I am worried about his health. I admit my contributions to our problems. Maybe someday things will change. I don't know. All I know is I love this man.