New here, not sure where to start

[ericmsant2]

Tay

FTR - gentle is not always the best way to deliever the message. We are all different here. Before I respond I want you to know that if someone like JB3 says something too you that may piss you off there is usually a reason for it. I can tell you that I did not listen to him and paid the price. So please don't focus on the tone but rather the message. FTR - many others have been at this much longer than me and I would really pay close attention to there advice.

The LBS cannot reason with the MLCer IMO for several reasons.

1) The LBS has usually had a significant role in the M issues. Tay, it is so easy to look at someone else than it is to look at yourself. What most here will tell you is to look at yourself and not the MLCer. Why? cause really you can't fix someone else. Ya just can't although we think we can.
2) Your MLCer is going thru some serious emotional and mental issues and CANNOT (read again) CANNOT reason right now. Think of it this way...Can you reason with a teenager can you? I know I can't.

So why does reasoning with them push them away...
Have you ever purchased a car or been to a furniture store to buy a sofa or something. Usually, the salespeople come running up to you. Usually you feel preasured. Yep Pressure. That is what you are doing when you keep trying to reason or have a conversation with your H. Believe it or not..he is not the same person right now.

Okay so you want to know what DB tactics work...quite simply DETACH and try a few 180's and finally, Stop TALKING TO HIM about the R. This stuff takes time Tay...a lot of time. Please don't rush it.

Finally, for GAL activity it is pretty simple..what do you like to do? What can you afford to do? What really makes you happy? What will keep your mind off of your H and this situation?

Eric