New here, not sure where to start

[PEI]

And why does trying to reason with them push them away?

I know I'm not eric (no tutu here!) but I'm chiming in anyway ... Because in trying to 'reason' with them you are INVALIDATING how they feel. Trying to reason with them is one big BUT ... and it often plays out like this ...

LBS: I understand how you feel (attempt at validation), BUT why can't we just ...

LBS: It's been tough for the last while, BUT isn't what we had worth fighting for ...

LBS: I realize you are hurting, BUT can't we work together to make it better ...

You see where I'm going with this ... 'reasoning' with them ends up being a lame attempt at validation followed by a big ole BUT!

All of this confirms for them that YOU AREN'T LISTENING! They are saying they are done, they have nothing left, they don't love you, they love someone else, they never loved you ... whatever the script is ... and you are not letting them feel how they feel. You are saying you feel differently and your feeling are more important.

And does DB work for MLC..if so, which things?

DBing works on YOU. It doesn't matter if your H is MLC, WAH, alien or whatever ... DBing is for you. It's not a tactic to employ just to win someone back and then you sit back and go, "whew! Glad that worked!"


Your thread is not the place for me to lay out my story ... it's in my two threads (and in case you haven't heard, I'm rather long winded ) ... in a nutshell, I'm in a good place, but I got here by being brutally honest with myself and with some very close friends (a lot of them here) about ME, MYSELF and I. It was damn hard, and it happened in pieces. I have embraced growth and learning and truth in my life and I regularly do battle with my demons and monsters. Have a read through and we can chat about specifics if you like ...


You didn't answer my questions about YOUR role in this?

PEI