I stopped gambling just because I was so hung up on this stuff. I didn't really need help. I just wasn't interested in it anymore. I would rather read the posts on this site and try to find the reason my life is insanity right now. I am still destroyed. I am still in shock. I still hate the first moment that my eyes open up in the morning. How damn long does this last. I know it is my emotions that control my happenness. But i am codependent, I am loser, I did get my self worth from this women telling how great and special I was. Now that she is acting like I am worthless-I feel that way. She doesnt know what I am going through. She is on with her life. I don't know how she is doing or feeling. She is a nut. I dont need to forgive her. I need to forgive myself and go on with my life. There is just a void in my heart and my mind. There is not the person telling what a bright, good looking guy I am. I do feel like it is a reflection on me-it shows me that I am weak and that I let another person destroy my happiness and I can not seem to get it back. Getting her back will not help. I don't want this back. It was unhealthly. I would like her to be the one hurting. And who is to say she is not but I dont know it. I am not letting her know how much I am hurt anymore. I still think of killing myself. I am not going to but I think sometimes it would solve the pain and sometimes that pain is so great. What is the point of life if it is awful. If you hate waking up, if the birds dont sing and the flowers dont smell good? Food is something you have to choke down and smiles are forced. The only thing I have is hope that someday that will change. That is the only thing keeping me here. It just needs to change faster. Selfish you say? Hell yes, I am, I want my life to be happy and joyfull again. I want to be happy. I want to experience love again. Time will heal. Screw time. I have been waking up day after day and nothing has changed except the date. Life is simple not fun, not enjoyable, not really worth living. No, I am not going to kill myself but If I had a heartattack or was in a bad car accident I wouldn't care. I just don't. It is not all over this girl. I have been depressed along time. I take my meds for it. Doesnt work, doesnt help. Sorry guys, I want you guys to get better. I want you guys not to hurt but I think that I just want to wallow in my pain. I dont think it will ever go away.
What many in the world will say to your current issue, find a "new girl", one who appreciates you. Your life will be better.
