Jack..I most certainly am not poo-pooing the advice given here. I just want to know the logic behind it. The things you guys are saying are exactly the same things my C, my BFF and the other members of my little support group have been telling me. What I'm trying to tell you all is that I am having a hard time "getting" it..not that I don't agree with it. I don't know HOW to do some of the things you are suggesting. Nor have I had the motivation (from myself) to figure it out. I guess we all cycle thru this stuff at our own pace. I'm sure plenty of LBSers have thought that they have had a great friendship/relationship with their Spouse in the past and because of that believe that somehow they can get thru to them with logic, reason, support and patience. I agree with all of you that if something isn't working, then try something different. However, I am still retarded to some degreet in thinking that I can fix this. I'm slowly starting to see that I can't. So, the next step is ..now what? Do I use some of the DB ideas in the book..which ones? Are there other things I can do to stop obsessing about the A and the M..you guys have mentioned many and I am doing them. Besides leaving the MLCer alone to figure it out, what else can I do, besides work on me. And when he's around, what should I say, shouldn't say..to not make this all even worse.
I've outlined my plan; resume, job, classes, get in kick a@@ shape. Already working on all of them. Initially started doing it to fix the M, but now am doing it because I like how it feels. So I AM making progress, and I AM listening to what you all say..I just need specifics. For 20 years I have been trained to be detail-oriented, analyze things to death and have a well thought out plan. And i just don't do that for a job, it's part of my personality as well.
It actually blows my mind what a wierd thing this MLC is. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it firsthand. And I'm not even close to understanding it. I'm still standing around with my mouth open going, "WTH"? I don't know if I'm detaching, if he's getting better, or what is happening but it isn't as horrible as it was a couple of months ago. I wish I had found this site then. I told my brother today, I hope he never goes thru this and if he does, to let me know cuz I can give him all sorts of info. He said he thinks he's already been thru it when his wife left him for another man several years ago. I digress.
