I new their was something funny about that freind. She was telling you lies about the freind to cover up.
Me 37 Waw 32 son2 bomb 8/11/09 O/M 12/25/09 Divorce filed 8/25/09 divorce finale 6/16/10 Divorce putt on hold 6/16/10 Divorce postponed STBXW idea 8/8/10
So I found a spot to watch her truck hoping for the goodnight kiss on film. Realizing W is off tomorrow, I should have wagered that she would not be coming home.
So, I bailed. On the way home I text "It's 9:30. Why is C not in her bed. We agreed on this condition. If for some reason C would not be home, the other parent would be notified or agree to it beforehand."
So she goes off!! I don't remember that! We have a long weekend and I told the daycare she'd be later. Were you at my work?
I said "yes I was. I was invited to the Stampede BBQ by the manager and he also wanted to talk about some business. We had this Calla discussion about three weeks ago when it happened before."
She rattles of "I told you that Friday X, Y, Z."
I said "I know that. But I knew nothing of plans for tonight and I expect nothing less that common courtesy regarding the whereabouts of our daughter. I would expect youwould feel the same"
And then the apologies flowed. 'OK. Sorry. I misunderstood. I would expect the same as well"
Oooh, the paranoia is really flowing. And the negativism towards me is incredible (unless she's in front of me, then Chatty Kathy comes out. The inconsiderate behaviour regarding Calla is simply irresponsible parenting. I added in one exchange "She's two. Not a gypsy"
However, with that out of the way, despite my clever ideas about waiting until just before she leaves, I will not accept another "Evening at The Cheaters" for D. So I may have to blow the whistle earlier.
My concerns are: 1-D needs to be away from OM and the "enablers" (Amanda, etc) 2-To do this, I have to expose the A and set the boundary. "D will NOT be exposed to adultery. She must not know these people anymore because when this all crashes (as over99% of A's do), I will not be the one explaining to a 2 year old why these 4 people (including her little playmate) will not be coming back ever again" 3- The only way to insure this happens, is W must leave and D must stay here with me. And if ANYONE wants to see D, they must come here!! And I don't believe I have the legal right to do that; adultery or not. 4 How can I keep D away from the A if W refuses to stop it? I would obviously have to ask W to leave the house but the shared custody weeks with W I can't control? 5 If she leaves, how do I keep her cheques going into the bank in order to keep the house?
Or is it simply that I say- "I have thought long and hard on this and have decided that I will not live in this version of our marriage a minute longer than necessary. I did not agree to an open marriage. You do not have the right to expose our D to infidelity. The lies and deception of this A is not the bhvr of a wife and mother. If you refuse to cut off all contact (how if they work together)with the OM, I will not share the family home with an adultrous. You can live with him. I will also require that you explain this to your mom or I will. I will get some papers drawn up so we can speed this process along as I deserve better. And so does D. Conversation is over. Email and text only from now on. I'll have your clothes and personal effects in boxes in the garage when you return Sunday. I'll have some initial agreements regarding interim custody and banking ready for you by then."
Opinions? Miss anything? Too wordy or not enough teeth? Anyone? Goodbye.
Talk to your atty about a restraining order keeping these other people away from your daughter. It may be very difficult, and probably impossible for anyone other than OM himself.
You need to [censored] or get off the pot, pardon my french, CD. Either expose now, or wait until right before she leaves, as we all advised. But you're getting into it with your wife, it's tipping your hand, and it's not productive.
Good job, btw, on enforcing the boundaries about your daughter. THOSE do need to happen, and you handled it very well.
I like the script at the end. Drop those bombs as she leaves for her illicit rendezvous, and watch her spin! Infidelitus interruptus.
I was lookinat QS thread. Not that I would want to "date" at this point, but should I also add "that since you find it OK to sleep with people, you'll be fine with me doing it, too?"
I'm really not interested right now but will it add fuel?
Or should I stick with the high road? I'd be more comfortable but if the threats come fast and furious to her 'cake eating'.....
I've been following your sitch. If there's a possible custody suit looming about your D I would advise you to be absolutely squeaky clean. Show court who has been the responsible parent in this M.
Puppy has given you excellent advice about when to drop the bomb. If you do it right before W leaves it will spoil the time she and OM have together.
Don't tip your hand in that regard till then. You can keep it under control. You've been doing a great job so far.
I agree on high road. I did the Dobson-esque speech and it was one of the best things I've done. I did mine in email form, however, because Dobson recommends doing it in writing if at all possible. I would recommend you read the Dobson book for yourself though - to understand the whole concepts of what he is saying. (Love Must be Tough)
Though I like the idea of face to face "right in the eyeballs" approach (it will show my demeanor), I could also launc it as a text to her once I know she is in the vehicle with OM.
That could create an interesting drive.
Of course, I will be unavailable for a day. And I will read her texts at the end of the day so I can post them.
Anyone else have a preference?
Another reason I like the writing is that it is something I can use later (D Prodeedings?) and she can LOOK AT all week.
Now SHE can mind read rather than spending Quality Time with "The Putz"
