Ugh. I was up till 1:30 last night just relaxing, watching some tv shows I had recorded and reading. My phone started ringing at 8:00. First my middle sis in Des Moines (I am the baby.)
I ignored it. Then at 8:30 my oldest called on her home phone. Honestly I was annoyed bc she sleeps in until 11 (seriously!) when she doesn't have to work...so I let it ring. Then she called my cell. Then my house again. Because of my mom's constant calling OCD I have the 'boy who cried wolf' syndrome where I just ignore because it is never an emergency. Well, it was.
My mom called a minute later. I answered and she asked where I was. I said, in bed trying to sleep. Well she put my oldest sister on the phone crying. She wanted to know what I thought of my divorce attorney that middle sister (the lawyer) referred me to because she had thrown her husband out in the middle of the night and wanted to file for divorce and a restraining order.
They have a very rough history. Honestly I believe she married BIL because she was almost 30 and not married. Sad but true. In fact at the time she was pissed because the wedding date was October and she turned 30 in September, she wanted to do it BEFORE she was 30. (She has been in counseling for OCD and has terrible self-esteem so she just wanted to be married like her two sisters.)
Well she told me at least five years ago that she didn't love her H. He is a recovered alcoholic, retired military man with post-traumatic stress and has been diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder or something like that, explosive anger. All of that is why his first wife left him, plus he was an alcoholic during their marriage.
Three years ago when stationed in Texas they had a fight and he threatened to rip the leg off the kitchen table and beat her with it and he came after her with a hammer. At that time she called his 'first shirt' (I don't know military but that's what she said) and reported him, called police, etc etc. They went to counseling but very little changed.
However it is not black and white, it is more chicken/egg. Yes he has these issues but she is always in victim mode, her OCD means she is a total perfectionist and can't stand to have a mess or disorder of any kind. When they moved to Texas she had the entire house unpacked and re-arranged in their new home within 36 hours. As in, every box unpacked. Sheesh!
She married BIL knowing he had a vasectomy, then he had it reversed, but they still could not have kids. Spent $40K on fertility treatments, but smoked and drank 10 diet pepsis a day the entire time and complained that it didn't work. I am not trying to be harsh I am just saying they both have big time issues. I have not heard her say anything nice to him in ten years but she loves to publicly berate him in front of me, my parents, sister, even our extended family over the fourth of July. Telling them how he took so long to find a job after retiring from the air force, she had to do all the work and make the money, he sat at home, didn't cook, didn't clean, etc etc. Telling this to a crowd of people. Ugh.
However the blowup was over porn/EA. He has been using porn forever. That said, she has told all of us that she hasn't shared a bed with him in 4 years and they haven't had sex during that time. Last night at 1 am she woke up and found him having phone sex with a high school girlfriend 10 hours away in Indiana. So she threw him out.
It sucks, she is bawling and scared of what the future holds. I am listening and telling her I am sorry. I don't know what words to say because I have wondered for years why they were married. She is not good to him and he is not good to her. Ugh.
