Grit, I read some of your thread. I found it interesting that you also likened what is happening to your W as I did to my H..you asked: would you leave them if they had cancer?
So....guys...anyone care to venture a guess as to which stage of MLC my H is in?
This morning I had to drive him to work and he was happy, talking about how good he is feeling with his recent weight loss and weight lifting..man, he really looks good! But I look alot better too. Losing the weight and now toning things up..very good for my self esteem! Today I am going to continue to revamp my resume and search for jobs.
It surprises me that it is you men who are ones that have come to my rescue..where are all the gals? I think it'd be nice to hear some feeback from a couple of women too. And don't get me wrong, I think it's fantastic that you guys..(Mach, Grit, Puppy, Jack, eric, Tulsa) are taking the time to hold my hand thru this and guide me along..you're so patient. And I appreciate it so very much!
I also think it'd be great to read some stuff from a guy who is in MLC. Just to hear what they have to say. Any of you know of one of those threads?
How does a spouse forgive their WS for the A and still maintain their self respect? I have read on the forum that the WS has to earn back the LBSs trust, etc.
I want to let him know that I understand how an A happens, that we can move past it, that I want to work on ways to stop it from ever happening again. I understand that I won't be able to do this while he is still in contact with her, but the A has come up several times and I'm not sure what to say or not say about it. I don't want him to think I'm punishing him for what he did, but I don't want him to think that I am ok with what he did either. And because of the MLC, and his confusion about what he wants to do..give up the marriage, go to her or find someone totally new, work on the marriage..it's a scary subject to navigate.
How does a spouse forgive their WS for the A and still maintain their self respect? I have read on the forum that the WS has to earn back the LBSs trust, etc.
I want to let him know that I understand how an A happens, that we can move past it, that I want to work on ways to stop it from ever happening again. I understand that I won't be able to do this while he is still in contact with her, but the A has come up several times and I'm not sure what to say or not say about it. I don't want him to think I'm punishing him for what he did, but I don't want him to think that I am ok with what he did either. And because of the MLC, and his confusion about what he wants to do..give up the marriage, go to her or find someone totally new, work on the marriage..it's a scary subject to navigate.
You have to start with yourself first....
Tay, you are still thinking you can talk this through....
Ltaylor, forgiveness takes time. The more you learn about MLC, the more you try to put yourself in your H's place (as much as you can), the closer you will get to it.
Remember that forgiveness is for you, not your husband. Forgiving him releases you from the anger, or at least much of it, and helps you accept the situation as it is today. What helped me was my absolute refusal to let my H's betrayal define me, rule my life going forward, and make me into an angry and bitter LBS. I simply could not keep carrying those feelings and hope to move forward in a healthy and positive way. I HAD to forgive him, for me, and I worked hard to get there. Then I told him once that I had, and have never spoken of the A or the OW since.
Keep reading and learning. Look for understanding and compassion. You will get there when you know you have to.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Why can't I talk this through? Just curious. And I hope you won't say because they are in a place where they can't listen. There has to be more to it than that. If we could write a book or come up with a vaccine to stop this MLC thing we would be trillionaires. I told my H that several months ago.
