kml... I chuckled when I read your phrase.."He had to gnaw his arm off to get out of the marriage" and it gave great perspective.
Looking back, having distance on what was 'normal' shows what was way out of whack. And that's the only reality. Perceptions get muddied by emotions, especially through the process of divorce. I know what I know..
We had three kids brought into this world in love.
We were a family for almost two and a half decades.
We were committed to each other in different ways... him eventually to the mother of his children (having decided he was going to be roommates with me.. I never picked up on that!) and being a good provider, me to my husband with the primary focus on the cohesiveness of family.
And although he doesn't see the kids, he does pay the alimony and support as ordered by the courts on time.
We both brought baggage into the marriage.. and didn't grow past it.
I guess getting to the point where I can say, "It is what it is." as a statement rather than thinking "Dang, how in the hell did this crap happen and I have to figure out how to deal with it." makes life just easier.
No blame. No guilt. Just doing what I need to do. ME cutting the strings from a puppet master.
It's funny. Being diagnosed with diabetes is like discovering the affair. Didn't you have any clues.. symptoms? Well.. no. But during the final nine months prior to him bolting, I knew things were screwy.. but I was too beaten to care. And with the diabetes.. well.. maybe afterward I learned what the signs were.
I was on and off pre-diabetic for sixteen years but never figured it would happen to me. Oops. I was tangled in my marriage but never figured it would explode in my face. Oops again.
The best and hardest thing to do is face things head on and take accountability. And the fact that two of my babies were 9.5 and 10.5 pounds at birth (a big red flag for potential diabetes in the future) should have been a clue.. but I breezed by it... as I did with red flags in the marriage.
Ahhh.
But.. big deal. I own my disease. I own who I am. And life is good.
*hugs*
In life I have great trouble admitting something being 'wrong' with me because of pride, shame, fear of rejection, being seen as damaged, unworthy. And here I can just say it.. and the world doesn't fall apart as it does in my mind.
Life is a lot of knee scraps (some a whole lot worse than others) and getting back up.. hopefully with a positive attitude each time.
It's a great experience learning NOT to be my own worst enemy.
