Here's the second response. I have to break them up or I'd have a super duper long post.

Lotus- No sex feels like no love. It's now at the point where he says he wants to...but I don't want to. I just don't have feelings that way. There have been so many years that I wanted to, and he wasn't interested......it hurt, and now I have walls up. He hasn't had sex in years with me....and he hasn't come to me upset about it....we reconciled, got back together, and STILL haven't had sex. I get waiting for a bit....but for a year to not come to me saying what the heck! He doesn't care.

Allen...this isn't just an infedility issue....our sex life was nonexistent before the affair, and our marriage...always an issue. We are coming from different backgrounds on this one..you said you were the high desire spouse before the affair...my H was NEVER the high desire spouse.

M 39
H 39
1 son, 7

Multiple affairs before/during/and after separation, came clean, went to Retrouvaille, forgave each other, Piecing for over a year, same problems exist, back to counseling