whatdidido has changed to whatamigoingtodo

[whatamigoingtodo]

Ok here is my first response.

I have two pages of comments to respond to. Thank you.

Quick update: Nothing has changed between him and I other than attending counseling sessions. They are good, but nothing changes what feels like is "missing".

amorfidelis- I'd love to support one another. Are you still around?

Allen- Thanks for responding, and giving me input.

We were fine tuning the list for my H.

1. Find an interest that makes him happy and do it at least once a week. Share your thoughts and feelings about this interest with me.
and

2. Find some guy friends that you have fun with, and do something with one or more of them at least once a week. Share your "good times" and thoughts after spending time with them, with me.

YOu asked what he does with his time. He works, comes home and finds house stuff to do, and plays with son. Which is all good, but it's become his routine which is a security blanket to him and while doing those things there is no happiness from him...no smiles no laughter...even playing with our son.

Since I wrote that I've talked to H about this. He doesn't know why he is not happy...says he has always been like this.....was brought up like this...... has since worked at it...has lightened up with son and I have heard him laugh (I asked him if he ever looks our son in the eyes...he realizes he doesn't do that often...it's like he lives outside of the world). He has socialized with some friends after work and has gone out for a drink with the neighbor. I see that as progress.

I did your homework assignment. We watched I Love you, Man with him. IN fact that is the first movie we have watched together in ages. We enjoyed it.

3. Tell me good thoughts and bad thoughts as you have them.

Ok, I can be specific..."If you feel scared, tell me when you do and why...", etc. Bottom line I want to hear his TRUE feelings when he has them. Any and all.

There's something about the calendar idea that I like....because my mind works like that and I love charts and lists, etc. I know my H would love that, too. But there is that part of me that screams that this is exactly what I DON"T want. I've been living my life waiting for him to do something because he WANTS to ...DESIRES to....years of waiting.....and I've pretended that things are ok all these years.....and now I'm suppose to AGAIN tell him what I want. I've done this over and over, and he will do what I tell him, but nothing is natural. I want it to be what HE wants and desires.


Yes, I have seen Fireproof.......suggest it to many others. IT made both of us bawl and helped us reconcile. But, nothing changed in the reconciliation.

You say you find it hard to believe that intimacy and sex was never there. Of course there was some....but believe me, there was never any innuendos or flirting like someone in love. Our marriage was very much like an arranged marriage. Think of it that way because that is more realistic.


You asked me to tell you about my H to start spring some ideas from you and other posters......What does he like to eat? Steak. What does he like to listen to? Classic rock What does he like to read? Science fiction What does he do with his time? House stuff, and play with son, and work.