Last entanglement in Paris

[forward]

Hang in there sleeper. You might want to keep coming here as well...

[sleeper]

No doubt.

[sleeper]

YoYo

I am trying to maintain friendly relations with X for a variety of reasons now, some long term and some short. The short term reason is that she is living in a house that I now own along with OMH as I purchased it from her in March. I agreed to let them live there until their new house is built, target date for completion is now mid August. The long term reason is that we have two children together.

So, after the big blowup over DS's birthday a couple of weeks ago, X is all sunshine and friendly of late. Sometimes this all seems like a ride at an amusment park; When I got on I had no idea how rough and long it would be. She's being so nice now it's weird.

I'm excited about being out of an apartment and back into a house I own. I've been in an apt for 3.5 years now. Typing that I didn't realize it had been that long.

I'm returning to some activities I really enjoyed years ago. I have joined a hunting club and plan to hunt a great deal this fall. I gave my son a blackpowder rifle for his bday. I've never shot one so we are learning together how to use it. He is very excited and interested and this may turn out to be a better activity for us together than I ever expected.

As far as DD, we went bra shopping together for the first time today. I'm still recovering to some degree but I believe it went well. I have no doubt she will let me know if it didn't.

[forward]

Sleeper, Good! Moving should be good.

But it might provoke some sadness, too.

[sleeper]

But it might provoke some sadness, too.

Yes it might, however many aspects of these situations cut both ways. X seemed immune to the pains of this in the beginning but as time has passed I have noticed she is affected by all this. I'm not sure if she just hid it well, the anger masked it or she really was immune to the pain.

There is a good posibility this will be more sad for her than for me. Yes, I will have memories to deal with but I've been there many times since we separated. Now she will become the one on the outside as I AND the children will be there together 50% of the time (without her). She will be in a new home alone with OMH part of the time and totally alone part of the time as his work requires quite a bit of travel. Sitting alone in her new house while I and the kids are in our old house may work on her as sitting in my apt alone has me the past 3.5 years.

Eventually the double-edged sword of divorce cuts in the opposite direction.

Or, to borrow from Lennin's observation:

Divorce with children is like a rifle with a bayonet: There is a parent at each end.

[sleeper]

You do not think you would be in a better place if you had taken a harder stance earlier?

I'm gonna respond to this again as I've had some time for reflection. I was very upset/sad a couple of weeks ago and doubting the path I had chosen.

I've concluded I made the right choices. If I had taken a harder stance earlier it would have all been a lot messier and more painful for all involved. I talked some of this out with a friend recently and their third party perspective help me come to this conclusion.

I have my moments about being divorced and co-parenting the kids but emotionally I'm OK as far as X is concerned.

[fisherman]

You do not think you would be in a better place if you had taken a harder stance earlier?

I'm gonna respond to this again as I've had some time for reflection. I was very upset/sad a couple of weeks ago and doubting the path I had chosen.

I'm glad you're feeling better about this.

Sleeper, your stance is for no one but you. A stance should never be taken or a boundary should never be laid simply to cause some sort of reaction or affect on another person.

Not to sound like a walk away or anything, IMO this really is all about you.

[forward]

Hey Sleeper,
You still have that investment portfolio you once mentioned?

[sleeper]

Why do you ask ?

[sleeper]

I made my first payment on the house I'll be moving (back) into today. I was excited to do so.