And MIL has the wrong idea here... The point is to get MIL to SPEAK her mind... not to assess how much IMPACT that will have...
Let me put it this way...
Suppose you are committed to run a race... but you aren't sure if you will WIN... do you NOT RUN because you aren't SURE if you will WIN?
isnt the point of making the EFFORT most important here?
Her MOTEHR should be WARNING her.. Even IF your wife IGNORES the WARNING the MOTHER shoudl still TRY and do the EFFORT
This "I wont' say anything because I don't think it will stop her" is an EXCUSE to AVOID an UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION ONLY
Yours is the same thing...
You know the call to the CO is uncomfortable so you would rather try to threaten OM again to see if he backs down.. and if he offers to back down YOU get to avoid an UNCOMFORTABLE EXPOSURE situation...
All of this nonsense is to avoid doing the HARD STUFF
Your WIFE is doing this with the MARRIAGE
Secret sex chats online is a LOT EASIER than having an UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION with a family therapist isn't it?
I will definitely talk to my MIL again tomorrow. And hit her with some hard truths and choices.
And yes, calling his CO is going to be VERY hard. I have to call, and then ask for someone in charge, tell them who he is, find his superior, and then talk to him.
It IS going to suck big time.
Quote:
Secret sex chats online is a LOT EASIER than having an UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION with a family therapist isn't it?
It definitely is. He tells her EVERYTHING SHE WANTS TO HEAR, and preys on a vulnerable woman.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/09/1003:01 AM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Ok last night was a little weird. She went to bed early, so I fully expected her to then sneak on her laptop and chat with him again. Or text or call him.
She didn't text him, she didn't get on the computer, just went to bed. Somehow I thought she might have really been offended by the last FB message he sent her.; It was really demeaning and horrible. And I thought she might have told him to buzz off with the 2 texts she sent him yesterday morning about an hour after getting his message.
But she sent him a text this morning after leaving for work. She deletes all her texts she send to him, so I have no way of knowing what she is saying. I guess I am going to assume that she isn't mad at him at all.
Now is the time to call his CO, and to be honest I am terrified. I know how bad last time was and I only messaged HIM. Now I am attacking him at his place of work.
things can get worse I guess. I could call and his CO could do nothing about it, he then tells her I called, she explodes, and then nothing changes between her and him.
I need some strength here. I am supposed to be served today, so that adds onto it all. I am really, really scared this will all just backfire and make my life a living hell.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/09/1012:49 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Dude, you are LIVING in HELL right NOW.. I have BEEN there...
My wife was having an affair with a DJ and they got on the PC each night and she played music he was sending her.. she blasted it all THROUGH THE HOUSE ALL NIGHT LONG.. sleazy dance music...
I KNOW how horrible this feels.. I LIVED IT as have many others here...
Seriously... What on earth is your wife going to DO to you at this point that she hasn't alraedy done or planned to do?
She's filed, she's disrespected you to all her family and friends, she lies, cheats, sleazy internet sex chats at night with some creep in YOUR OWN HOME, Planning PA with OM who is a complete sleaze ball
Dude what on earth are you imaginging her doing that she already isn't on the road to do or hasn't already done? I REALLY want to know what on earth you aer afraid of?
You need to find you balls man, NO WOMAN is going to respect a man who lets someone walk all over them like your wife is and like this OM is... He's borderline stalking your home... It's time to MAN UP
YOU shoudln't be SCARED.. OM shoudl be because you are going to "rain hell down on him" remember?
Where is that hell you were going to rain down on him?
So what? BIG FREAKIN DEAL.. your wife's mad at you? Get it into your HEAD MAN... She's being INCREDIBLE CRUEL to you... you can sit there and let her bully you into a corner and cry and get ILL like I did for three months OR you can get your ASS UP and FIGHT for your DIGNITY in your OWN DAMN HOME
You do NOT have to put UP with this in your OWN HOME... Even if she leaves the home and stays at a friends place... YOU HAVE YOUR HOME BACK.. you are NOT being VIOLATED anymore, you get your PRIDE and CONFIDENCE back...
And so the CO calls your wife... that STILL takes the FUN notu of hte affair.. it becomes a embarassing MESS... the MORE you expose it and EMBARASS HER the less ROMANTIC and EXCITING it is...
That's the POINT, make the affair so UNPLEASANT that she has to END it to REDUCE her STRESS
Right now its not STRESSFUL at ALL... She has the run of the house, can say and do as she pleases and you do nothing about it other than WATCH in secret...
How is THAT scenario working for you?
You need to undersand that women are attracted to men they can respect... and being a putz hiding in teh corner wimpering isn't gonig to cut it... so put a stop to that NOW
This creep is NOT going to last long term... You already noticed she may be a bit offended by how sleazy he is... Affair couples success rates long term are 1 PERCENT... more than 99 percent FAIL... there's a reason for that
The WS in most cases or the OP eventually figure out the other is an overgrown selfish piece of Sh|t and they run out on them...
That's whats going to happen here if she continues on this path of excitement.. she will eventually get used and abused and realize this guys' a creep and eitehr she will cheat on him, or she will catch HIM cheating on HER and a big ugly mess will be walked way from... and you will be LONG GONE by then
You can DO something to have a CHANCE of AVOIDING that ugly mess by speaking UP NOW
You need to find you balls man, NO WOMAN is going to respect a man who lets someone walk all over them like your wife is and like this OM is... He's borderline stalking your home... It's time to MAN UP
YOU shoudln't be SCARED.. OM shoudl be because you are going to "rain hell down on him" remember?
Where is that hell you were going to rain down on him?
FIND IT.. FAST
I agree -- time to LOSE THE FEAR, QS.
Don't MAKE us change your username to QuiveringSilver!
Seriously, ever since you came on here, your posts are FILLED WITH FEAR. "What if THIS happens? What if she does THAT?" "Now she is really really really mad!" "Now it is really really REALLY over!" etc.
Go back and read them.
Look, we all have fearful, even terrified moments. I certainly did. But you can't CONSTANTLY operate from a place of fear, or you'll NEVER be able to pull this off. There is so much more, strategically and tactically, that we can (and will need to) teach you, but we can't do if it we're spending all of our energy and time simply bucking you up. Sure, we can OCCASIONALLY do that, as you're going to have some really bad days, but NOT ALL THE TIME.
Seriously, QS -- lose the fear. Find your nuts. Stop quivering, and ACT. Lead.
QS, maybe one of these will help you. Coach recommends the first one as a mindset to people on here, and it's helped a lot of us. The Band of Brothers "accept that you're already dead" paradigm also works well.
STOCKDALE PARADOX:
"You must retain faith that you can prevail to greatness in the end, while retaining the discipline to confront the brutal facts of your current reality."
Admiral James Stockdale was shot down in Viet Nam and imprisoned in the "Hanoi Hilton" for almost eight years. He was also its highest-ranking officer. He writes about his experience in his book, In Love and War. How did he survive while others did not? "Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties." He adds, however, what distinguishes his position from simple "optimism" - and formulates what has become known as the Stockdale Paradox: "and confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
This is the critical difference which guards against the endless disappointment that optimism’s carrots' evasiveness create - until, maybe, the reward in the end. On the other hand, an ability to continue making realistic assessments of one's current life situation measures and apportions one’s energies and reserves to better face each challenge as it comes, thus positioning one with a stronger chance to prevail.
