Trying to fix everything comes across as controlling. You have to let people solve their own issues if you want healthy adult relationships.
Sometimes people just share their problems because they want you to listen and are looking for validation. If they don't ask for your help specifically, it's usually better to assume they don't want your help than it is to assume they do and start telling them what they need to do.
I agree with TimeHeals (is the sky falling??)
It's usually best to say something like...if you need anything I'm here for you.
Telling the kids sucks. Just remember in the up coming days if they have questions to be honest with them (as honest as you can- no out right lies, but omitting info is ok). Even if one asks if you still love mommy. Short, simple, honest, to the point answers that only answer the question asked- don't go spouting sermons.
Thanks IDU. I had to leave for a while tonight so I didn't break down in front of the kids.
This is too hard. Right now I feel like I can't wait until it is over and move on. I don't know if I can deal with living with W for another 6-9 months until this is over.
Sometimes it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I've suffered like you trying to save my M. It's tough when only one person is committed to working on the issues. It's taken me 4 months to realize that I need to let go and really move forward without W.
I like you can't stay in the same house with W while she is enjoying life without me. I need that separation to start over and I really believe the minute she leaves I can start healing properly.
I've worked hard to try and keep the house and soon the dream may become reality. I hope you can find a solution with your living situation. We deserve a better quality of life.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
On a positive note, ATLEAST she opted to tell the kids.
Mine were just subjected to her immediately living with OM, and "it's ok because you know him".
Wow! That is awful.
Thanks to all for your words of support. They do so much to keep my spirits up.
Trying to hang in there........
S got sick last night. W and kids were supposed to go to amusement park today, but that is off now. W was up all night with S sleeping on the loveseat.
Punishment for a W who calls herself a strict catholic, but never goes to church, kids aren't baptised, is divorcing me and destroying her family?
Probably not, but one can't help but wonder.......
You are in a spot that we never, ever thought we would be in. I admire your strength in handling it the "right" way.
I don't know what else to add. Just to stay focused on your kids and being a role model to them. Show them how to be strong and how to behave with dignity and respect even though they know that mom is wrong. IDK, let them be mad at her. Don't defend her to them other than letting them know she still loves them, too.
Anyway, hang in there. You have a lot of people here pulling for you and offering our support. Let it out here as much as you need to and let your W see only that you are "fine" with it. You are ready to move on and deserve better.
