the marriage is dead; it's been long dead. she has been dead for years. nothing i can say or do will turn her around.
we sleep on the opposite side of our king size bed. she sleeps with a pillow between us. the pillow gets pushed-up against me,and she would rather hold the pillow than me.
she complains of aches and pains and tiredness--signal of "don't even bother in trying to have sex with me."
she never compliments me on how i look, or ever says that she loves me (i would have to say it first, and no longer do because sometimes when i do, she says,"see you later," instead of "i love you too,"). i also no longer compliment her as well ( just recently, she was dressed in this excellent blue maxi dress which drives me crazy! i didn't say anything about how good she looked. minutes later, she wanted to know how she looked. i said, " you know how i feel about that dress." "yeah, yeah ,yeah," she replied. "what does that mean?" i asked. she said that she knows how i feel because i look at her like a stalker! wow!!! that pretty much puts an end to me ever complimenting her again!).
i don't and can't mention anything about sex or give the idea about wanting to have sex, because she rejects any notion or verbal communication that deals with sex ( recently, she and i were on facebook. she instant meassaged me. i was in the living room on a laptop, she was in the kitchen on hers. i texted back saying that this technique can be very useful in verbal foreplay. she retorted not to bother because she wasn't in the mood, and that real ladies do not do such things! wow! another slap in the face!).
no chance of having sex in the morning, no chance of having sex during daylight hours, no chance of having sex during the week due to work schedule; only chance of sex is on a saturday when she deems it so (a few months ago, i tried to be spontaneous by going into the bathroom when she got out of the shower. we tried doing it standing up; no good; we tried doing it with her on top of me while i sat on the toilet; she said that her legs hurted her, so she didn't want to do all of the work; i tried to get her from behind leaning her over the sink's counter; no good, because she said that it's a "dirty" position, and then she walked out leaving me "hanging"; she didn't want to masturbate me or get into bed and have a quickie, because she was all clean. i did have sex later that night, but we could've had it twice that day if it wasn't for this attitude of hers, and this has been her attitude for many, many years. i just don't know how this relationship and attitude developed, because it was never like this!).
i am doing my best to put myself first(second after the kids), and just go about my business with her as if it's a business venture, solely platonic.
i have years and years and years of this crap stored in journals, and in my brain.
