She's even joked that she "married her stalker," though I was definitely not stalking her. I was just a head over heels romantic.
Okay, it sounds as if you laid it on pretty heavy. She said she liked the attention you gave her.....but you must have caused her to feel smothered a bit. Some guys tend to do that when they fall so hard and can't get enough of the girl.
OTOH, maybe she felt like you went to extremes and thinks that is what you're doing now. That's why it's important that you're not breathing down her neck and she recognizes you are making changes for yourself. IDK, I'm mind reading and that is one thing we shouldn't do, but for some reason her making that statement jumped out at me as being important.
You mentioned that you were a passive type of person. And you went on to say you were very laid back, etc. People who are easy going, have a gentle spirit,etc. can become passive in a MR. I strongly believe many H's on this board has fallen into a pit of being passive with their W and it leads to trouble. He thinks by letting her do whatever she wants and he doesn't contridict her that things will go smoothly. It may appear to be so at that moment, but she starts to lose respect for him and over time....it builds up a wall that's very tall & thick. If it continues, the resentment is so mingled with disrespect until she loses her sexual attraction for him. A woman can't be sexually attracted to a man who will let her walk all over him. When she doesn't respect her H then she becomes very unattractive and loses her inner beauty. Often, a woman will be loud, obnoxious and a bully. She has taken over the household, the family, and the M.
You do not have to change your personality if you have a "good ole boy", easy going type.......but for goodness sake don't be passive with your wife & children. That does not work. You are the leader over your family. It is natural that they look to you, but if they have not had the leadership they need from you....they will stop looking at you and you will have a rebellion. Your own wife will begin to act much like a rebellious teenager b/c she doesn't respect you as a man or her H--and that leads to intimate unhappiness for her.
Maybe something about your attitude during your hardest times at the hospital did something to her. But if it's been five years and things have continue to go downward, then she's built a wall around herself (or so it sounds). That wall can be torn down but in many cases it's done by a brick at a time.....depending on the stitch.
You are doing a lot of great things to improve yourself and get in better shape. It's important that you look good when she sees you. A man can be sexy in jeans & a white T-shirt if he's clean and smeels good and has his hair combed. But if he's laying around in a bathrobe, needing a shave, and his hair standing in 5 directions....that doesn't work very well for her.
If you are decked out and come through the room she's in...just long enough for her to get a good look and smell your great cologne....and you say, "Gotta go, I'm late", then her interest will immediately spark. She'll want to know what, where, who, etc. Don't lie, but be very vague. "I'll have my cell if you need me, see you later".
You may be going to the library to read for a couple of hours, but you don't give her all those details. Or if you do, she probably wouldn't believe you would look that good just to go to the library! Plus, she'll wonder why you are in such a good mood. Puts a little mystery in there and it kind of makes things fun for you as you are able to reclaim your life while you are finding the man you use to be. It gives her some space and hopefully, she'll be thinking of you while you're out. When you get back home, you have very little to say when she starts with the questions.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
