My Universe, Unfolding...

[Deep]

Hi, looks like vague is in vogue . Kidding aside, I don't really know your sitch, but wish you well.

Sorry to hear that you are struggling somewhat. I'm not anywhere near the D train now, got the M going in the opposite direction a long time back. However, having gone through what many of us are / did, the one thing you learn not to do is take anything for granted any more. You would have seen so much, both the utterly beautiful and the amazingly ugly, parts of people, in yourself, your spouse, the people in your life, the people here on the forum, you just know better than to try to predict even your own feelings / actions.

I'm not speaking for everyone here but I would say advice one would have appreciated would be pretty much what is advised here mostly. I certainly wish I was here a lot earlier in my sitch, before the begging, pleading, and doormat-hood took on epic proportions. Thankfully, I managed to claw out of that somehow.

I wish I knew earlier what dropping the rope was, and that I HAD to do it. I wish I knew better than to try and talk my WAW into feeling what I thought she SHOULD feel, about me, about OM, about our life together. I wish I knew better than to try to talk ME into what I should be feeling about the whole sitch.

I wish I dealt better, and earlier, with the devastation of it being made clear that W might try to hang on for the kids, as a sacrifice of her own happiness, that I was nothing, and OM everything.

That was my breaking point, or rather, realisation of a breaking point. It wasn't that anything dramatic happened, but one day just like that, I just decided "Heck, why AM I taking this crap?". I deserved better, and I was through with convincing her that I was the better option or more deserving of her love. I was deserving of MY love. It wasn't that I turned off the hurt and the pain like a faucet, it was still there. Yet it was all different too.

Before that, I could sound noble talking about focusing on my kids. Well, after the "bolt", I truly focused on the kids, and truly for who they are, and not just as lifelines to my W and the M. I accepted that she could indeed have a perfect right to be happy, a clear, unbiased acceptance that also accepted that I did not need to be ecstatic about her choices but that it was Ok. I stopped trying to convince her otherwise because I really lost the motivation to do so.

And really, I think if you wanna "go Gucci", you gotta do it as a step into living a life without the WAS. As an acknowledgement that it may be painful and *ahem* vague, but this is a tentative yet fun start into a potential new life. Doing it to get attention or while hoping for a response from the WAS is plain wrong. It'll come across as wrong / desperate to the WAS, and it'll sure take the fun out of it for you.

Sorry for rambling