Guys..if your wife had cancer and she needed a ride to chemo, or someone to make her meals..would you do it? Of course you would. Because she's sick and you want to help her get thru it with the least amount of pain. You wouldn't turn your back on her and just tell her to figure it out for herself, would you? Why is this any different then? In my opinion, this thing he's going thru is like a sickness..even tho referred to as a transition..and in the end is supposed to be good for the MCLer and the LBSer. I believe it is still a sickness. He is confused, hurt, lashing out, doing things that are exactly the opposite of his normal behavior, vulnerable, not thinking clearly, in a daze. I know he has to figure it out for himself..but damn..jumping ship is not ok in my book. If I were going thru this, I would want him to be there for me. Now granted, I would get pissed if he were hovering around me like a mommy, and freaked out if he tried to tell me what to do..but i would appreciate it if he tried to be patient, reason with me, explain what he knows about it etc.
I am going to stop here and just say that all of you have been dealing with this longer than I have. But since all MLCers are unique, how can there be specific tactics/strategies that work? I want there to be things that have worked for others so I can try them..and I will listen and try them. But i always look at situations as if I were in their place. And in this case, it's pretty hard for me because it seems like a mental illness..or like alcoholism..which I have had to deal with over and over with friends and family over the years. And I couldn't help them either. So..what I have read in other threads is true..a spouse's MLC actually makes us LBSs go thru their own version of a MLC but at least we're coherent. I told my H last night that this may have been exactly what we needed to have happen to get to the next level, for us as a couple and for us as individuals..and I told him that I wouldn't have chosen anyone else to accompany me on this journey. Cup 1/2 full. Think positive, believe in miracles, never give up on your dreams.
Take it up with MWD, LT. It is her concepts that we're advocating here -- that and also what we've all seen WORK (and what we've seen categorically NOT work).
Yes, it's incredibly counter-intuitive. But let's face it, your own instincts and intuition got you where you are . . . right?
