Newmama glad you are reading that book and that you feel affirmed in who you're handling things. And no, it's not a fun read . There really is some tough stuff to face in the parenting department. That book is very hard for me to read, but I am forcing myself. (((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Next tidbit...was telling my friend C about the custody class and expressing how I am just so upset that S has an increased risk for divorce, that he will have a bizarre perspective on marriage since he will have 2 homes and split half the week (although I truly want him to have the best scenario for establishing good relationships with me and his dad...and that means 50/50...but it is STILL like a weird social experiment to me...)
I've been thinking about this lately. This is what I've come up with.
Life happens. Circumstances intrude. Parents get sick, lose jobs, pack up their families and move; sometimes parents pass away; kids are raised with or without extended families. They have a good or bad school experience. They live with or without family financial issues. And yes – their parents are divorced or together.
I don’t mean to be dismissive. I guess really what I’ve come to is that this is a worry that is no longer under my control. Life happened. I wonder how what the stats are on all the other variables you can think of?
Life is not ideal. It’s not supposed to be. It has challenges. Some of them suck. BUT – this will be part of their story. All we can do as parents is to use the resources at our disposal to raise them the best we can. And yeah, help them through the challenges.
People live all kinds of different lives.
So, in trying to cope with this because I have to… that’s what I’ve come up with.
You know, C2H, I was thinking today that people who didn't want the divorce are going to state the stark reality (and if anyone is skeptical, read "The Legacy of Divorce" which is a 25 year longitudinal study on children of divorce. It follows them into adulthood. It is super depressing.).
But those who want the divorce will cling to the tidbits about the kids adjusting fine and push us to be happy and willing, etc. blech!!!!
I agree with this. Our Hs really aren't thinking about the impact their actions are having on our boys, they're too busy convincing themselves that kids are adaptable and our DSs will be fine.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Gatsby--I just wish everyone acknowledged that it is possible for us to develop feelings for someone else while we are married, that it doesn't mean we married the wrong person. ANd that we must stick to our commitment to the marriage like you did!
Geronimo, I am quickly getting to the point where I just have to make the best out of a sh!tty situation and my attitude will greatly influence S' attitude.
Mystik, you got it. Unfortunately.
OK this is my inspiration for S' chocolate cake--so not baby like! But I think starting next year, I will make him a character cake...he will get an Elmo cupcake this year! Now, I am not going to make a cake that looks exactly like this...just an interpretation! it's the very first cake you see! http://inspired-by-chocolate-and-cakes.com/
Last edited by newmama; 07/09/1012:26 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
and I tried to make cocoa-buttercream frosting but just didn't feel it was chocolatey enough. SO I made a bittersweet chocolate sauce (2/3 c cocoa, 1/2 c brown sugar, 2/3 c milk, 1 tbspn vanilla- heat on med-high to boil, reduce to medium, cook and stir constantly for 7 minutes) cooled it, then stirred it into my plain buttercream icing. Voila--super chocolatey!
So I will to take a pic of my amature cake but it will be basic!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Note to self: if it requires precision,I shouldn't even bother!!!
Arghhhh! Costco cake here I come. I tried 3 times to make the cake look somewhat decent. THREE times...that is 2.5 batches of icing I had to make, including washing all the damn tips and holder thingys, washing all the tupperware, dying and mixing all the icing, making a HUGE mess multiple times....
My little Elmo faces looked terrific.
Maybe if I am brave, I will post the pic of attempt number one, that I completed last night at by 12:30 a.m.
ah well. I blame the warm weather for making the icing runny.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
. There really is some tough stuff to face in the parenting department. That book is very hard for me to read, but I am forcing myself. (((hugs)))