Thank you for stopping by my thread Flo and for the link on telling the kids. Very helpful. I am so encouraged by your progress and the place you are coming to in your own sitch. You are one amazing and strong woman!
Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for your continued insight and support.
The link on how to tell the kids is very helpful. Part of me still want to let the kids know, especially the older ones, that this is mom's decision not mine. I know she loves them but is putting them way down on her list of important things.
I have to do the right thing and handle it the right way.
Are you also using the website that David and his wife Ruth created? It's www.crucible4points.com. David and Ruth participate in the blogs so it's possible to get feedback directly from them sometimes.
No, I haven't participated...looks interesting though.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I've been toying with the idea of getting involved with a man. It's interesting to hear people's ideas about how to move on after being dumped.
One friend feels that I should work on myself until I'm ready and not settle for anything less than a truly fulfilling love relationship.
Another friend assumed that I want to remarry as soon as possible and encouraged me to move on with finding someone (!!).
I have different ideas. Realistically I think a "friend with benefits" would suit me right now. It would be nice to have some companionship and some flirtation (and more), without the commitment and the "happily ever after" crap. Also, I don't want to deal with a guy who demands a lot of time. It would have to be something that could be compartmentlized from the rest of my life and not involve my children.
Any thoughts on how I would go about creating a FWB relationship? My impression is that most men in my age group either want to be in a serious relationship or they want random sexual encounters, neither of which appeal to me right now.
This is largely theoretical since I'm still trying to figure out what I want. I am clear on wanting some male fun and flirtation in my life though. Among my social circle and even when I GAL at restaurants and listening to live music it seems like unattached men are rare. So unfortunately there would probably have to be some effort on my part if I wanted to meet an unattached man.
It's important to keep in mind that I have had very little love, companionship, sex or flirtation in my M for six years. It feels like it's been too long, which is partly why I would consider pushing the envelope in terms of my emotional readiness.
Last edited by flowmom; 07/11/1010:09 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
You'll hear differing opinions here, but I don't think using other people to make yourself feel better is good for them or you in the long run.
I am not being sanctimonious here either. I have done that exact thing when I was dumped in committed relationships (not married), and I wound up getting emotionally involved more than I wanted to, and then there's all the guilt you have to deal with if they get really emotionally invested and you don't, etc.
I think all of that crap is easier to deal with if you are feeling good and stable (which can happen just as soon as you decide it can).
It's your call, and maybe I sound kind of stiff here because I don't sense a long road ahead for me.
For me, it's going to be when I know I CAN open up my heart fully if I find the right person. Again, however, for me I am feeling close to healed.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/11/1010:51 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I don't think using other people to make yourself feel better is good for them or you in the long run.
Just to be the devil's advocate...am I using my friends to "make myself feel better"? What about my sister? Why wouldn't a FWB be similar? I'm guessing you're talking about "using" someone to soothe one's ego and hurt from being abandoned and I agree that's a danger. But really, who is totally self-validating? Spending time with friends and family does make me feel better about myself...and that's healthy IMO. Is there something about a relationship with a sexual component that would automatically make that different? These are the things that I ask myself.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I agree that is a risk TimeHeals. I did have a FWB for a while a couple of decades ago and it was great. But hard to engineer I suspect.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
